


Ignorance is Bliss

by Johanna_002



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-06-28 02:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15698064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johanna_002/pseuds/Johanna_002
Summary: For MinervaSnape394 on FF. Red and Gloria gradually develop their friendship into something deeper. Takes place after Nicky is in Max and will cover many 'behind the scene' moments through the series. It's a slow burn. Red/Gloria future Femslash warning. Re-written & Re-posted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So, we're going to try this again. I wrote and posted a story under this title a few months ago but took it down along with a couple other ones, for my lack of productivity with writing and updating was disheartening and overwhelming. However, now that I've got some time, I wanted to try and finish this story, which led to me completely re-writing it. So, without further ado...

Scene: Post S3E7 Days after Red resumed her role in the kitchen.

-01-

Rain poured unforgivingly against the windowsill, and the thunder that clapped violently in the sky was eerily disturbing to her ears. In fact, it disturbed her more than it should have. She had never, not even as a child, been afraid of storms. In all actuality, she had always found comfort in them. There was something beautiful and frighteningly magnificent about the way nature reacted and expressed itself. Because, like her, nature had many sides. What was beautiful, and alluring, could be seen in another light as frightening, and damaging.

It was how, actually, she saw her situation now. The loss of her child. Her Nicky. A piece of her heart felt as if it had been physically torn from her chest. Every step that Nicky was lead, cuffed and in the arms of a CO, was every cut and tear that was made into her flesh, into her tissue, disconnecting her from the very beating muscle that kept her alive. It was tragic. Losing Nicky was tragic, and the unknown of whether or not she would ever see her again was stirring within her, making her crazy. Wondering if Nicky would be strong enough to endure the hurtles that came her way, without her support and love guiding her through, was maddening.

There seemed to be nowhere for her thoughts to go. There was no escaping her grief. All she could do was submerge in it. Allow herself to feel every part of it. She guessed that was where the beauty of the situation came in. Loving someone, loving Nicky, the way that she did, was a beautiful, soul-consuming connection that she was in awe of. She had never, before having children, loved someone so wholeheartedly that she would die for them. No questions asked, no pondering or debating about her decision—she knew, with everything that made her whole, that she would die for her kids. Her sons, her girl, they were her entire world.

And now, her world felt incomplete. Empty. The rug had been pulled from beneath her and she was stumbling to find her footing. She didn't feel like her, but she couldn't put a finger on who she was. Identity was all anyone had after all, but what did you do when it felt like nothing fit. In her lifetime of fifty-seven years, she had lived in three distinct worlds, with three distinct versions of herself. There was the young, Russian woman who dreamed of the impossible, and desired a world of choices and adventure. There was the devoted wife and mother that she had been, the businesswoman who was relatively pleased and humbled in the life that she lived. Finally, there was Red. Enough said.

As she continued to listen to the sound of rainfall, the book she had long ago given up reading, laid against her abdomen. Nothing held her attention much these days. She couldn't find comfort, or even stimulation, in her movements the way she once had. Not even getting back into the kitchen had fulfilled her. She hadn't had to slave long under Gloria's command, but in comparison to the slop she now she had to dish out, she can't say she wouldn't have preferred it. Rubbing a hand over her face, she sighed tiredly. Nothing made sense. Her own thoughts just ran endlessly in a circle, exhausting her beyond anything she had ever felt.

The sound of movement outside her cube caught her attention, and Red averted her eyes from where they had been focused on the ceiling. Recognizing Gloria, she immediately pushed herself up into a sitting position, her legs drawing inward toward her chest.

"What are you doing in here?" She asked sharply. "This isn't your dorm."

"I know," Gloria waved the yogurt she had in her hands. A strawberry peace offering. "You haven't been eating. Thought maybe you'd like the last one."

"The food is hardly appetizing these days," Red grumbled.

"Well, if you don't lay off the Cup O'noodles you're going to give yourself a heart attack," Gloria told her wisely. "Too much sodium for someone your age."

"My age?" Red repeated thickly. "Pretty bold of you, isn't it Mendoza?"

"You're gonna be wishing you listened to bold when they have to cut you open and unclog your arteries."

Red's features softened, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She watched as Gloria crossed the threshold into her cube. Without invitation, the younger woman sat on the foot of the bed, tucking one leg beneath her. She ripped off the top of the yogurt easily, passing the creamy deliciousness and spoon over to Red without another word.

"Thanks," Red whispered. She exhaled a breath before dipping her spoon into the yogurt, and then slowly bringing it to her lips.

"No problem," Gloria waved her way. She licked her tongue across the top she had peeled from the yogurt. Humming as the small, heavenly taste coated her tongue. Crunching the foil in her hand, she surveyed her eyes around the small space. It didn't look any different from Spanish Harlem, not that she had really expected it to, but still, it was weird to find herself here.

With so much animosity between the tribes, it was easy to build up in your head that one had it better on the other side. She was realizing now, not for the first time, that prison was prison. It was going to suck whether you were Latina or Black, fuck, even Russian. They were all the same pons, just in a different chess match.

"Good?" She asked. The sound of Red's spoon scraping against the bottom of her yogurt pulled her from her thoughts. She smiled at the nod she received in answer. Watching as Red slowly pulled the spoon from between her lips, she rolled her eyes at the smears of lipstick she could see stained against the yellow plastic.

"How do you wear that stuff?" Gloria asked. She stood up from where she had been sitting and walked over to Piper's side of the cube. She touched her hands along the items on her locker, frowning at a picture of Piper and her mother.

"What stuff?" Red asked, raising her brow as she watched Gloria scrutinize the photo.

Gloria set the photograph down and turned to face Red's locker. "Makeup," she said.

She sat in the chair tucked beneath the older woman's makeshift vanity and flipped her fingers through the stack of books that were pilled on the corner. She could feel Red's eyes burning into her, but she didn't care. It was so unlike her to be as brazen as she was, but she reasoned that she may never have another opportunity to snoop through Red's belongings.

She opened a drawer and reached inside for the large manila envelope that had been stored away. She had just been about to open it when she felt it ripped from her hands.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Red asked angrily.

"Oh, come on," Gloria sighed. "Between the CO's and Nicky, I thought you'd be used to someone always going through your things." She reclined back in the chair and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Don't you have people you can bother?" Red asked her dryly. "Aleida, or your one friend with the bushy brow? Or better yet, what about your sons? You had such a fit the other day, I'm surprised you're not spending every moment you can with them."

"My son hung up on me," Gloria told her quietly. "He's angry," she explained. "Rightfully so, I guess." She scratched nervously at the back of her neck, her bitten fingernails nicking her uncomfortably. "I'm not… entirely sure what to do, or where to go from here."

Red all but rolled her eyes. "Welcome to the club. Motherhood is not a one size fits all." She laid the manila envelope down on her lap as she adjusted her body to lean against the cement divide that separated her from the cube next door.

"Yea," Gloria agreed. "I just didn't think it would always be so difficult. I didn't think it would always be this difficult."

"I don't know if it's always this difficult," Red countered. "There's a lot of beautiful moments in it. Makes it worth enduring the difficult times. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. What I have to tell myself if I'm going to make it through this."

Gloria frowned at her sympathetically. "It's never easy," she whispered. "Losing a baby, being taken from your baby. They're practically the same side of the same fucked up coin."

Red grazed her fingers along the flap of the envelope. "It wasn't easy to leave my sons," she said. "But they had their father, they had his family. I think about Nicky and I wonder who has it worse. Is it wrong of me to think that it might be her?" She asked. "A part of me feels guilty that I'm so worried."

Gloria studied her composure but didn't comment. A frown pulled across Red's lips, her brows furrowing in distress as she focused on the shoes neatly placed under Piper's bed. The fear that coiled within in her was one that was nearly foreign. Dmitri, as boneheaded as he could be, was a decent father. He had been a decent husband. She would never go so far as to say he was the worst, but she wouldn't dare inflate his ego and call him the best either.

Despite the trouble he always seemed to draw her into, she had resided very little fear about his ability to get their sons through her absence. Her distress had purely resonated around herself and how she was going to serve a twenty-year sentence. She had run their family home, their business, and as she had allocated to a judge, the agreement of her plea deal, their involvement in the laundering money for the Mafia.

For so many years she had co-existed between these two worlds of Galina and what was left of her, and what she had to look forward to, and Red, who she currently was, and who she had to be, to survive tomorrow. But now, she was clueless as to who she was or who she was supposed to morph into. Her sons were grown men. Her business was gone. Her marriage was over. What did Galina have left to live for? Not much, by her accounts. But Red was hardly better. Her kitchen was not her own. Her meals—couldn't even be considered meals, and Nicky, her sweet, infuriating, stupid-decision making Nicky, was gone. So, who was she? What was she, besides the same side of the same fucked up coin?

"What if she isn't okay?" Red asked worriedly. "I mean, she's obviously not okay." She ran a nervous hand through her hair. "I've lost Tricia-"

"You didn't lose Tricia, Red," Gloria told her calmly, though her face was contorted in alarm. "It was a tragic loss, and I'm very, but you did not lose her. It wasn't your fault."

Red shook her head in objection. "I pushed her away," she whispered. "I wasn't… a very good mother to her. You're supposed to be there for your kids, not outcast them. I didn't even realize Nicky had slipped. I don't… I don't understand."

"If we understood everything that happened, it takes away the element of surprise," Gloria said. She moved closer to Red, dragging the chair with her. She leaned forward to prop herself up on her elbows.

Red traced her fingers along the corners of the envelope. "Don't tell me you're one of those people," she scoffed. "One of those blind believers-everything happens for a reason, nonsense."

Gloria smiled at her. "I don't think things happen for a reason," she assured her. "Thinking that way would lead me to question my faith, and in here its all I have." She paused, the silence of her words settling peacefully between them. "But I do believe everything comes with a lesson. Whether we choose to learn from it or play blind is another matter, but, I don't know," she shrugged. "It helps me sleep at night."

"At least one of us is able to sleep at night," Red sighed. Leaning her head back, she smiled sadly at Gloria. "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" Glroia quietly quiet when Red didn't bother to explain. The pair of them smiled at one another, a sparkle igniting deep in Gloria's eyes as she watched Red begin to relax more fluidly into the moment.

"Checking on me?" It was a question more than it was a statement. "Listening to me. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with. I keep trying to make sense of it in my head, but," she shook her head. "I'll never understand her addiction."

"Understand that it isn't personal," Gloria reached out to touch her arm. "It's not because she wants to hurt you, Red. It's something in her, or maybe it's something with her parents, or, who knows. I won't pretend to understand it. It's not something I've ever dealt with."

Red nodded in understanding. She covered Gloria's hand where it laid against her. "Thank you."

"What are friends for?" Gloria smiled.

"We're friends?" Red asked her, smirking.

Gloria chuckled. "Well, I certainly wouldn't be so nice to my enemy. I did give you back the kitchen after all. I would hope that makes you think more highly of me." Her hand continued to touch Red's arm and Red's hand still covered her own.

"Hmm," Red considered to ponder. "I guess you aren't so bad."

"Thanks," Gloria said dryly. Shaking her head and rolling her eyes upward, she couldn't help but be amused by Red. As frustrating as she often found her, she enjoyed her company. She enjoyed talking to her and listening to the wild thoughts and ideas that raced through her mind.

In a lot of ways, Red was much more hopeful than she could ever remember being. She was a dreamer. She was smart and funny, though she often didn't mean to be, and Gloria found herself drawn to her in ways she had never been to anyone else. She had never felt particularly challenged (in a good way) by a relationship before, not platonic or personal. Arturo was a nightmare, and she hadn't ever been someone who had many friends. Though she loved Aleida, and she loved Daya, those relationships didn't challenge her intellectually, she was always more mentally exhausted than anything.

Red challenged her though. She always had to be on her toes. She never knew what the older woman was going to do next, let alone what she was going to say. It was intriguing to argue back and forth with her, not to mention a little amusing. She was often underestimated, and she enjoyed the moments when she was able to catch Red off guard. It took a lot to rattle her, and Gloria prided herself in being able to do so. At the feel of faint scratching against the top of her wrist, she averted her eyes downward, catching the light stroke of Red's scarlet nails as they grazed along her skin. Her movements were so soft and delicate, Gloria wondered if she even realized what she was doing.

Grabbing the envelope from the bottom, Red tipped it over. The pictures and letters that had been neatly folded inside fell into her lap and she sighed as she sorted them into their piles. She could feel Gloria's surprise at her actions, but she wordlessly handed her the largest paper among the dozen on her lap.

"Certificate of divorce," Gloria read aloud. She shook her head in amusement. "Well, congratulations."

"Thank you," Red chuckled. "You're the first one who's been thrilled by the news."

Gloria set the paper down and reached for the picture that had fallen closest to her. "Your kids?" She asked, studying the smiling faces grinning up at her.

Red nodded, watching her features as Gloria picked up another picture. She seemed more interested than she had when she had been scrutinizing Piper's picture.

"Cute," she said simply. "What about your husband, what does he look like?"

Red found one of the two of them. It was from the early years of their courtship when they were still in Russia.

"This is you?" Gloria asked in amassment.

"I was a young girl once," Red said thickly. "I wasn't always old, contrary to your belief."

"I don't think you're that old, you act like I called you ancient or something." Gloria defended herself. "I didn't expect you to look this good either, though." She smiled as the younger, thinner version of Red, who couldn't seem any more annoyed if she tried, glared at her. "Your husband's really cute," Gloria smirked. "Why do you look so angry?"

"Because he was an idiot," Red scoffed.

"Well, I've known plenty of those." Gloria empathized.

Red smiled at her. "What about you?" She asked. She turned Gloria's hand over in her own and began to scratch her nails along the inside of her wrist. It felt so incredibly natural that it was weird.

"What about me?"

"Are you divorced?" Red asked. "I've never seen a man come to visit you."

"You have to get married to get divorced," Gloria said softly.

Red looked surprised. "Never?" She questioned. "You have two children."

Gloria raised a brow at her disapprovingly. "You don't have to be married to have children."

"It certainly helps," Red countered.

"I don't know about you," Gloria began, "but being unmarried had very little effect on how quickly I was able to conceive or give birth."

"Don't be a wise ass," Red reprimanded her. "You know what I mean. To raise them, to guide them. It's always wise to have two parents in the home."

"Igh," Gloria shook her head in disagreement. "Not if it's an unhappy, violent home. No one deserves to be surrounded in that." She sighed tiredly. "I wish I had thought as clearly as I do now about it," she whispered sadly. "But once you're out of it, I guess you begin to see things more clearly."

Red's eyes widened. "Abusive?"

Gloria nodded. "It wasn't always bad, but, it wasn't always good."

"I'm surprised," Red said. "You don't seem like the type-"

"What type is that?" Gloria asked defensively.

Red arched a brow in response. "I just mean, you have a strong personality. I would have never guessed." She sighed. "Dmitri was more of an idiot than anything. Aside from the trouble toward the end, I would say we had a relative happiness."

"You don't sound convinced."

"It wasn't what a little girl dreams of," Red stressed. "It wasn't all horrible though. We had a beautiful family, and for the most part, we made it work." She handed Gloria another picture. It was one of the last family photos she had before her arrest. "I look at how happy we were, and I don't see how, despite the lack of passion, it could have been wrong to shapeshift myself and live the rest of my life in that role. I see Nicky and it saddens me that she never got this, that she was denied this. Her mother was cruel-"

"Hey," Gloria said, closing her hand around Red's. "You only have one side of the story. There are always three, everyone knows that. Her side, Nicky's side, and the truth. Nicky's angry, so, keep in mind that you have to take what she says with a grain of salt. I know you love her, but she is not an angel. If she were, she wouldn't be in here."

"That's entirely unfair," Red scoffed. "Considering you don't even know the story. You hardly know Nicky."

"Until she came to prison you didn't know Nicky," Gloria countered. "You of all people should know parenting is not easy. I've heard how she runs her mouth. I'm sure her mother just… surpassed her limit."

"Her mother never even tried," Red hissed. "What kind of mother just checks out on her kids? From what Nicky's said she was practically raised by her nanny." She shook her head in disgust. "I would never do such a thing," she declared passionately. "Neither would you and you know it. As protective of your kids as you are Gloria, you know you wouldn't just walk away from them. Is there ever an excuse for that?"

Gloria stayed silent. She could come up with a hundred reasons why the pressure would be too much, but she knew well enough to know that Red would rebuttal them without listening to reason.

"Women were meant to be mothers," Red said passionately. "I truly believe that. Whether or not all should become one is another matter, but by nature alone, it is our calling."

"I don't think I was meant to be a mother," Gloria confessed with a shake of her head.

"How could you say that?"

"Don't get me wrong I love my kids. I would do anything for them, but look at where I am," Gloria whispered. She shook her head sadly. "And I mean, not just because I am in here," she said. "But it's hard. Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done. I love them so much, but sometimes I wonder if bringing them into this world was a mistake. From where I sit that decision now feels entirely selfish, and unfair."

Red waved her free hand, stopping Gloria off from continuing. She didn't want to sit and listen to her say things she'd later regret.

"But it's true," Gloria breathed. "I have two little—well, they're not little. But I have two teenagers that practically hate me in all the ways you can hate a person. I have two grown girls who I haven't seen in God knows how long, and they're only doing God knows what."

"You have four children?" A look of surprise pulled across Red's face.

The corner of Gloria's mouth pulled into a smile. "Four," she confirmed with a nod. "And I feel like I've ruined each and every one of them."

Red squeezed her hand. "I don't think you have anything to worry about," she told her sincerely. "If they have even half of your strength, I'm sure they'll be just fine."

Gloria nodded her head, but it was obvious that she didn't believe her. However, that didn't stop her from offering Red the same kind of support. "If you believe that, then you need to believe that after all the time Nicky's spent under your care, that she's picked up enough strength from you that she will be okay, too."

Red squinted at her. "I feel like you set me up for this conversation."

"If it makes you feel any better," Gloria smiled, squeezing her hand. "Then of course."


	2. Chapter 2

Scene: Post S3E8&9 Tension's still brewing between Gloria and Sophia.

-02-

Taking the cool damp cloth, she clutched in her hand, Gloria raised it gently to her throbbing head. She couldn't remember the last time she had thrown up like this. Her stomach was in knots and it was all she could do to not get sick again. One way or another, the pressure and stress that she buried deep inside of her always rose to the surface in the most inconvenient of ways. She was currently sitting very improperly on the floor of the kitchen, praying for the pounding in her head to go away.

She had tried calling home all evening, wanting to get the story behind the fight that Sophia claimed Benny had instigated. She'd been sent to voicemail each, and every time, and every time she had left a message, her voice growing more and more angry with every syllable that she stressed. It was all she could do from ripping her hair out and having a complete melt down. Between her son and being stuck in this fishbowl, she feared she would eventually—literally—lose her mind.

It wasn't right. It wasn't natural. People weren't supposed to be caged up like animals and made to co-exist in these less than ideal circumstances. With everything falling apart in this prison, from shotty-electricity and faulty-plumbing, she had to agree with Red, that the most basic human right they could have been afforded, was decent food. She hadn't been lying when she told Red that she envisioned a thousand different visions of hell every time she put it in her mouth. She hadn't even known food to possess that kind of capability.

As heat surged through her frontal lobe, Gloria pressed the damp cloth against her forehead, relishing in the way water dripped down the sides of her face. She couldn't even begin to imagine having to spend the rest of her life in here, and her heart ached for the women who would. There were so many—so many women, so many stories—that were misconstrued. She wouldn't argue on the morality of these women and their crimes; she didn't want to debate about the ones who truly were too dangerous for society—she just wanted to take a moment and see them all as human beings and give them all the benefit of the doubt, because that's what she needed to today. It was all she wanted—to begiven the benefit of the doubt. Why was that so much to ask?

She groaned as the pounding heat and pressure flared through her temples. The more she thought about it, the sicker she felt. Slipping her left hand under her shirt, she rubbed soothing circles over her abdomen. Her palm was cool against her heated skin and she sighed softly at the affect it had on the coil that was sprung tight within her. Clearing her throat, she winced as the tell-tale signs of wanting to vomit tingled up her esophagus. Wincing, she pulled herself to her feet and leaned over the trashcan she'd gotten sick into earlier. She didn't think she had anything left to give. And she meant that in the most literal of ways.

She felt as if all her energy and strength had been sucked from her soul. She whimpered brokenly. She needed some place quiet to sit and think. She was exhausted. Between Red's outburst in the kitchen, telling everyone over and over… and over again, that she didn't cook the food, and Sophia threatening to keep Benny from her, she was all but ready to snap. She was so close to the edge, and Gloria knew it wouldn't take much to send her over. How much more was she expected to take? She hadn't been exaggerating when she'd all but threatened Sophia with that knife and thinking about it now caused a shiver to run down her spine. Her blood felt cold and that terrified her. What if that was all it took—one misplaced look, or a wrong word—and she snapped? She feared she would do something stupid, and she really didn't want to. She didn't want to drown in this fishbowl. She didn't want to die in prison. She just wanted to go home. She just wanted to hug her kids.

As images of her children flashed in her mind she felt tears, hot and heavy, flood her eyes. Walking the few steps from the trashcan to the sink, she turned on the cool water and immediately began to wash out her mouth and splash her face. When she used think about her kids, her heart would soar. Just saying their name would make everything better. Now, the mere thought of them was like a dagger. The pressure was mounted so much, she physically had to rub her hand over the beating muscle to soothe its ache. At the same time her stomach began to churn, tightening and rippling in a way that nearly mimicked contractions.

Burying her face in her hands, she dissolved into tears. Times used to be so much simpler. She used to have her child living within her. She used to be able to protect him and monitor his every move. She missed the days when her biggest concern was finding a position that would encourage Benny to get his foot out of her ribs. Now, she had to find a way, within in prison, to keep him from getting killed. He was tuning into a thug—acting out, starting fights, and she couldn't protect him. She didn't know how.

Gloria knew Sophia's words had been borne out of anger, and though she had intended for them to wound, Gloria wanted to believe deep in her heart, that Sophia hadn't truly meant for them to cut as deeply as they had. This cold war between them had started out primal, but now it felt personal, and she couldn't stop herself from feeling angry and exposed. She wanted to give Sophia the benefit of the doubt, and she wanted to reason with herself that Sophia was still a good person. She didn't want to be angry with her, and she didn't want to hate her, but Gloria could feel that ugly, crazed side of her simmering at the surface.

It was as if Sophia had seen every weakness in her and was determined to push her into the spot light to be scrutinized. It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair. Sophia didn't know just how hard she tried to be a good mom. She didn't know about all the times she had stayed up at night, holding her babies and crying, apologizing to their sleeping forms for being such a shitty mom. She didn't know about the times she'd gone to confessions and late-night masses, praying for forgiveness and guidance. She didn't know how she used to hide her kids in the closet, so they wouldn't see her getting her ass kicked. She would never understand just what Gloria had endured trying to simply survive.

Gloria wasn't discounting Sophia's own struggles, but she had no clue what it was like to try and raise a family on her own. From what she could gather, Crystal seemed like a dream. Even though Sophia's own tribulations and mistakes, Crystal had never left her side. She had never made her feel like less. God, what Gloria would give to be loved like that. Lourdes was the only one who had ever had her back, but Gloria was much aware of the distress and disappointment she had brought to her, and she knew, despite how deeply the love ran, that things would never truly be the same between them.

Good mothers didn't go to prison, the voice that spoke sounded suspiciously like her own. Good mothers didn't expose their children to abuse, and good mothers certainly never verbalized how much better off she'd be without her children, or how much better off they'd be without her.

The conversation she'd had with Red the other night began to play in her mind like a broken record and she couldn't help but cry harder. She was completely overcome with emotion and couldn't process anything else going on around her. She didn't even realize someone had entered the kitchen. She couldn't hear them calling her name and she couldn't feel their hands trying to comfort her. All she could feel was her emotions, and she was damn sure that they were going to kill her. Her chest felt tight and her sobs were caught in her throat. She stumbled backward until her back hit the sink and she slowly sunk down onto the floor. It hurt to breathe.

"Gloria don't do this, calm down," She heard someone say, but she couldn't get a hold of herself and focus. She couldn't calm down. "Do you want some water?" The words had only barely registered, but Gloria knew that if she'd had the strength, she'd snap at being asked such a stupid question.

"You have to calm down," tight hands gripped her shoulders. "If you don't, I'll have to get a CO." There was a moment of silence, the idea of having an audience nearly paralyzing Gloria into immediate submission. She felt a cool hand nudge her chin upward, and in that moment, she instantly recognized Red.

Her breaths came in panted hiccups. She struggled to catch her breath, but Red's blue eyes were soft and calming and if it were anyone who had to walk in on her now, Gloria was glad it was her.

"You're okay," Red told her. She sighed softly and clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "You're alright." She trailed her hands down the length of Gloria's arms, and cradled her left hand in the both of hers. The only thing that unnerved her about this interaction was the fact that it was Gloria. She'd never seen her in such a state before. She'd seen Nicky through enough panic attacks to be able to walk Gloria through this safely, but she'd be lying if she said the sight of her so distressed hadn't caught her completely off guard.

"Let's get you off the floor, huh?" Red asked her as she raised to her feet.

Not bothering to wait for a response, she pulled Gloria up and led her into the office. She maneuvered her sit down in the chair and quickly walked back out to fill a cup with water. Returning a few moments later, she sat the cup down in front of Gloria and then took a seat in the metal chair that had been pushed against the wall.

Neither said anything for a time, the silence that enveloped them tense and uncomfortable. Red could tell, simply from studying her, that Gloria was in shock over her emotions. It was as if they were a foreign concept to her as a whole.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Red asked after a moment.

Gloria shook her head, whispering a barely audible, "No".

"Are you sure?"

"Yea," Gloria's voice was weak and broken. Her eyes, which felt puffy and swollen, were trained downward, staring at her hands. Her skin felt hot and blotchy but this time, the blaze that heated through her was born of embarrassment.

Red repressed the urge to sigh. Instead, she crossed one leg over the other and reclined back into the chair. Her eyes flickered from Gloria's face to the cup of untouched water. It unnerved her how still Gloria had become. How quiet. She'd been observing her for days and could tell just by the tense muscles in her neck, that Gloria was carrying more on her mind then she allowed people to believe. Between the drama with Sophia and taking care of Spanish Harlem, Red couldn't help but wonder if Gloria ever took a minute to take care of herself.

She knew how much this place could get to a person. If you couldn't find some way to cope, it would eat you alive and spit you back out without any regard. It was one of many reasons that she had put so much love into her craft of cooking. It kept her mind sharp and though it seemed like a menial task to some, for many years it had been her saving grace. Now, working in the kitchen was an insult. She felt she had no purpose, like a piano player whose hands were cut off at the wrists.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Red fought to gather her bearings. Tonight, was about Gloria. She would never forget the kindness she showed her over the last few days, as she adjusted to life without Nicky and losing her kitchen… again, and she wanted to offer her that same comfort. She wouldn't admit it out loud but walking in on Gloria tonight had terrified her. Whatever trouble she had given the younger woman in the past, was, well… in the past.

"You know," Red said casually, "It's hard to be a good friend to you if you don't tell me what's wrong." She grasped the bottom of her seat between her legs, and easy pulled the chair with her as she moved closer toward Gloria. Side by side, their knees touched as she leaned against the desk. Still, Gloria refused to speak or even look at her.

Red rubbed a hand over her mouth in thought. "Nicky used to have panic attacks," she said conversationally. "They were really bad when she first got here. We had spent the first two or three days together getting her through detox and she was in really bad shape, and I thought when she was having them, not realizing what they were, that they were her reaction to withdrawing and I told myself that once we crossed that, things would get a little easier."

She could feel Gloria's eyes lift to watch her face. "They didn't. In fact, they got worse. The drugs were… the band-aid of her problems, if you will, and once we ripped that band-aid off she was like a mummy. Years and years of patching herself with a band-aid, and it was like… without the drugs, she was being unraveled."

"I am definitely unraveling," Gloria said monotonously. She reached for the cup of water Red had sat in front of her and brought her lips for a small sip.

Red felt relief flood through her as she watched Gloria take another drink. "You have to find some way to cope," she told her softly. "I know you're going through a lot right now, with your son and Sophia-"

"I really don't want to talk about Sophia right now," Gloria whispered quietly. She ran a hand over her face tiredly.

"Okay," Red said easily. "Well, let's talk about you." She tapped her long, scarlet nails against the top of the desk. "You were pretty upset when I came in here. What were you doing in here so late anyway?"

Gloria narrowed her eyes at her. "Why are you in here so late?"

"What are you, sixteen?" Red asked sarcastically. "Don't answer my question with a question."

Shrugging her shoulders, Gloria stared into the half-empty cup. "I couldn't make it to the chapel," she answered finally. It was the only place in the entire prison where she found the most solace. In a lot of ways, it reminded her of home.

"Why not?"

"I thought the kitchen floor would be more comfortable than a chair," Gloria answered her dryly.

Red raised a brow at her disapprovingly. "Have you ever had one before?"

"What?"

"A panic attack," Red clarified. "You looked terrified. I don't even think you heard me calling your name." She studied Gloria closely.

Red wasn't used to having to coax information out of someone. Most of the time, her girls were so eager for her help, that they often confided in her without much prompting. By nature, Red was an emotional person. She wore her heart on her sleeves and it was never hard to tell what she was thinking or how she was feeling. She knew it was a characteristic that, depending on who you talked to, was either endearing or off-putting. Nicky had always thrived on her openness. After being emotionally isolated for so long, it was no surprise that she had found great comfort in being openly doted on.

On the other hand, it seemed that in this moment, Gloria found this rather famous trait of hers to be annoying. Which was fine, Red felt getting her to open-up was like pulling teeth. The younger woman tended to bottle everything up until it exploded, and these days it didn't seem to take much. From Gloria's break down in the kitchen, spontaneously quitting a few weeks ago, to now, nearly crying herself to death, Red was deeply concerned for her.

"I didn't know that's what they were," Gloria finally answered her. She circled her finger along the top of the cup. "I'm not crazy," she promised quietly.

"I would never think that," Red touched her knee. "You're under a lot of stress, anyone can see that." The warmth from Gloria's leg was comforting and she couldn't help but squeeze gently. "You need a hobby," she told her. "Something to take you out of this world, even for an hour."

Gloria made a face. "Like what. We're in prison." She gestured to the walls and scoffed. "There's not a whole lot to do, Red. They want us all trapped together like some wildlife exhibit and poke at us until we lash out and turn on one another."

Red chuckled softly. "Well, you got a point," she agreed. "We could always use more hands in the grading club."

"No thank you," Gloria said instantly, shaking her head.

"You could read."

"Reading not really my thing."

"You just haven't found the right book," Red told her wisely. "I used to read to my children all the time. It was my favorite part of putting them to bed. I think I only stopped around the time my oldest was about twelve," she trailed off quietly. Inhaling a deep breath, she smiled, her eyes brightening impossibly. "Hey, maybe you can find a book you used to read to your kids in the library. It might make you feel closer to them."

Gloria leaned her head back against the chair. "I think those books might be too advanced from the ones I read." At the confusion that flickered across Red's face she sighed. "My boys were five and seven when I came here," she explained quietly.

"What about the other two?" Red asked her curiously. "You said you had four."

"A story for another night?" Gloria rubbed her hand over her eyes tiredly. "I can't cry anymore tonight, and talking about them-"

Red squeezed her knee comfortingly, silently telling her it was okay. The heat her palm radiated, spread in an upward direction as her touch moved to cover the expanse of muscle of Gloria's lower thigh. "Nicky chose to distract herself with sex," she stated bluntly. "Maybe you could do that."

A large smile pulled across Gloria's lips, laughter bubbling from between them. "Are you offering to have sex with me?" She shook her head in amusement, missing the look of shock that crossed Red's face as she instantly pulled her hand away.

"What?" Red stammered. "No… No, I was just saying." Heat flared through her body. She was sure she was as red as her hair. Pushing herself back slightly in her seat, the metal legs scraping across the floor, she realized for the first time just how close they'd been sitting to one another. Whether Gloria had noticed or was simply refusing to draw attention to it, Red wasn't sure.

"I do miss sex," Gloria said softly. "It was always pretty good." She rubbed at the back of her neck, her fingers trailing upward to rake through the short fringe of her hair. "Not a whole lot of option in here though."

"What about Aleida?" The question had flowed off Red's tongue before she could stop herself.

Gloria rolled her head against her shoulder to look at her. The cup was still in her hands and she couldn't help but twist it nervously. "What about Aleida?"

"You two never..." Red trailed off

"What? What!" Gloria exclaimed, her cheeks blazing from the mere suggestion. "No... no... What?" She couldn't help but burst into another fit of laughter. Her hand covered her face and she couldn't help but shake her head at the complete absurdity of the entire idea. "Why would you ask that?"

Red couldn't help but shrug, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "You're just so close." Rubbing her hands together she cracked her knuckles. "I just figured… maybe once."

"She's like my sister," Gloria explained. "It'd be… wrong."

"Have you ever wanted to?"

"No," Gloria shook her head confidently. "I have only ever been with men."

"What does that matter?"

Gloria glanced at her in confusion. "Okay, Ms. I Just Got Divorced from A Man, have you?"

"Have I what?" Red asked.

"Don't play stupid," Gloria answered her. "Have you ever wanted to… have sex with someone in here?"

"No."

"You're a liar."

"What?" Red exclaimed. "Who would I have wanted to be with?"

"Healy?" Gloria asked. "Don't think I haven't noticed the puppy eyes the two of you give one another." She said coyly. "He's like… the nerdy guy, ya know?"

"No," Red shook her head. "I don't know. Enlighten me."

"Like the movies," Gloria said with a wave of her hand. "He's the nerdy guy who is in love with the bitchy, evil cheerleader and she doesn't ever notice him. He breaks his back and waits on her hand and foot, but she chooses the football player, who cheats on her, and then she realizes what a good guy the nerd was."

Red rubbed her chin in thought. "What the hell kind of movies do you watch?" She asked in disgust. "Seems like a waste of money if you ask me."

"See," Gloria pointed a finger at her. "Bitchy cheerleader." She tucked of lock of dark hair behind her ear and brought the cup to her lips, drowning the final drink.

"I wouldn't peg you for someone who enjoys romantic comedies," Red said seriously.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Reznikov," Gloria winked.

Rubbing her palms down the of her thighs, Red couldn't help but feel the need to elaborate on the more than obvious relationship she shared with Sam. If it were anyone else, she probably would have swept it under the rug, but she liked talking with Gloria and it wasn't as if she could ever casually bring this up in conversation ever again. She was aware of the fact, that there was something between herself and the counselor, and though he had made every attempt in getting her to acknowledging it, she refused. Only trouble would come from opening that door, and that was not willing to take that chance. It wasn't a chance she even wanted to take.

Sam was a good man, but he deserved better than her. He deserved someone who wanted to be with him, and in the harsh light of day, no matter how familiar Red considered her to be, she could admit to herself that it wasn't need—it wasn't anything sexual or passionate that drove her to him.

"He reminds me of Dmitri," Red confessed. At the look of surprise that crossed Gloria's face she nodded. "There's a comfortable… quality," she struggled to find the right word, "About him… but… No." She shook her head. "I don't think I would ever do comfortable again."

"Comfortable is nice," Gloria shrugged.

"Comfortable is boring," Red objected. "I've been there, done that. We had our children, there was a certain stability that came from the arrangement but," she shuddered, "I'm free now… and I don't ever want to go back to that, you know?"

Gloria smiled at her. "I do," she nodded. "Well… and then I remember where I am, but yea," she nodded. "I would do so many things differently."

"You and me both," Red whispered.

Silence engulfed the space around them and nothing, aside from the gentle ease of their breathing could be heard. They both had to admit to themselves how nice, and unfortunately rare, it was to be afforded a moment alone where overwhelming thought wasn't plaguing their mind. Peaceful solitude was largely nothing more than an illusion.

"Excuse me, Red."

Red returned her attention to Gloria, watching as she moved to squeeze herself out of the tight space of their shared office. "You're leaving?" She couldn't have masked her disappointment even if she had wanted to.

"It's late," Gloria yawned. "We should probably both head to bed."

"Oh," Red sighed. She looked around their office for a clock before vaguely remembering they didn't have one.

"Could I ask you something before I go?" Gloria was leaning against the doorframe. Her legs were crossed, her left over her right and her left foot was pointed downward.

"Of course," Red stood up, so that they were eye level. "What is it?" Her brows were furrowed in concern.

"Don't tell anyone about this," Gloria pleaded. "Me… you know… crying. It can just be like… our secret." She smiled at her tiredly.

Red nodded at her, the corners of her lips tugging upward. "Don't worry," she whispered. "I love secrets."


	3. Chapter 3

Scene: Post E10&11 Gloria has officially reached her breaking point, and things between her and Sophia have turned physical. Red, on the other hand, is finding a way to make the best of her situation by taking advantage of her many resources.

-03-

"Galina," Healy smiled as he said her name, "Hi," he gestured to the vacant chair across from him, silently offering her a seat. "What do I owe the pleasure?" He asked her sincerely.

"Have you heard about Nicky?" She asked him eagerly, settling herself down in the chair. She leaned forward, elbows on her knees, her hands wringing together tightly. It had been weeks since her wild cub had been moved to maximum security, and she hadn't been given any update as to how she was doing.

Healy sighed, closing the folder he'd been looking at and silently folding his hands on top of it. "Galina, you know I can't-"

"I just want to know how she is," Red pleaded.

She watched as Healy drummed his fingers along the top of his desk. Sighing, she scooted closer to his desk and leaned against it. She tapped one of the character bobbleheads that decorated his desk with her fingertips and smiled as it obediently began to bob up and down.

"I just worry," she confessed. "I just want to make sure that she's doing okay. She is still my daughter," she told him confidently. "No matter what happens."

His blue eyes stared into hers and she shook her head sadly. Getting him to talk was like pulling teeth. She'd visited his office multiple times a week since Nicky had been moved and every time he gave her the same excuse for why he couldn't talk to her. It wasn't fair, especially when he always seemed to rope her into agreeing to be his and Katya's marriage counselor and his translator.

"I think you need to learn to accept the situation for what it is, Galina." Healy pulled his glasses from the bridge of his nose and folded them into his hands. "I know you love Nicky and that you care about her. It's one of the many things I've always admired in you. It just goes to show that there is still a lot of humanity inside of you."

Red raised her brow at him disapprovingly but didn't speak. In his twisted, backward way of thinking that was practically one of the highest of compliments that he had probably ever given.

"But I think that you need to make peace with the situation." He leaned back into his chair, and the leather material creaked under his weight. "Nicky's made her choice. You can only throw her so many life jackets, Galina, but you can't keep trying to rescue someone who doesn't want to learn to swim."

"So, you're saying I should forget her?" Her voice broke as she spoke, but she did nothing to try and conceal her emotions.

She derived an odd sense of comfort from Healy and felt safe enough with him to let her walls down and express her grave sense of vulnerability. In her heart, she knew there was nothing she could do to change Nicky's situation, but that didn't stop her from worrying. She was the girl's mother after all.

"I'm saying… you should look toward the future. You can't keep dwelling on the past."

But that was easier said than done. Even if she wanted to forget Nicky and save herself the heartache of mourning her relapse, she knew it would never be that simple. That girl had become a lifeline for her and meant as much to her as her sons. Looking at Nicky was like watching her very heartbeat outside of her chest, and there was no way that Red could just turn the love she had for her off and pretend as if it had never existed. She would always love her, and she would always worry—she wouldn't just stop doing because Nicky wasn't here anymore.

For so long, she had believed herself to be strong enough to cure Nicky and facing the reality that she wasn't, was a bitter pill to swallow. She wrung her hands together tight, her scarlet nails a beautiful contrast to the ivory of her skin

"My future isn't looking too bright these days," she told him dryly.

Healy sighed. "Other than Nicky? Is it your sons? Are they not taking the divorce well?"

She shrugged impassively. "I haven't really spoken to them about it," she confessed.

Her decision to file for a divorce had been rather heated and spur of the moment. One that she in no way regretted. She had never felt freer in her entire life than she had the day she signed her name on the dotted line, and she wouldn't give that feeling up for anything. But, it did disturb her, deep in the pit of her stomach, that she hadn't gotten her sons input, let alone their blessing.

Hell, she hadn't even informed them of her decision. Any knowledge they would have had on the matter would have come from their father, and she regretted the position she had put herself in, with regards to making that choice of excluding them. She was sure that the revelation wouldn't have been a complete shock to them, but in the same breath, she wouldn't have blamed them for feeling caught off guard.

For so long she and Dmitri had cohabitated in a near picture-perfect life together, and it was almost foreign to think of herself without him. Even though they hadn't been together in many, many years, she had always found a secure sense of self when she was with him. Being convicted and sent to prison hadn't entirely changed her views on him, and if anything, she had only gravitated toward him more. He had been such a wonderful support system for her in the early years of her incarceration, that despite her anger now, she would always love and appreciate him for that. As she had told Gloria at one point in time, she would have found contentment in spending the rest of her life playing the role of her sons' mother and Dmitri's wife.

It was why their secrecy and betrayal cut her so deeply. Dmitri lying to her about the store was one thing, but to have all three of her boys join him in conspiring against her had been another. After everything that she had given up and sacrificed for her family, it felt like a slap in the face. She didn't ask for much in life. Her families love, and devotion to her had always been enough to keep her going. She had lost count of how many years she had spent hoping, praying and dreaming about returning to her respective role in their lives and just picking up where they had left off.

"You should call them," Healy told her sincerely. "I'm sure they'll understand. It's not like they haven't got reasons to feel guilty. Keeping everything from you regarding the store was a pretty big blow, there's no doubt that you'd need time to process it."

Red sighed deeply and nodded her head in understanding. Deep in her soul, she knew that her sons had meant well and that they had only had her best interest at heart. She knew that they had never wanted to hurt her, but it was hard to keep that at the forefront of her mind. Especially, when she thought back on all the phone calls and visits they'd shared, where she'd gone on and on about how wonderful and normal life would be once she was home. Now, she couldn't help but feel like an idiot.

"I don't know," she shook her head. Balling her hands up into fists, she released a slow breath. She couldn't get angry. She couldn't stay angry. It wasn't right.

But it also hadn't been right for them to lie to her. Especially not about something as important as her livelihood. She had put her blood, sweat, and tears into opening that store, and she had given her whole heart into running, and for what? For her foolish husband to destroy it and run her accomplishments into the ground? It wasn't fair.

"You have to start somewhere," Healy told her wisely. "Don't let your pain prevent you from moving forward in life, Galina. Plan A failed, but you still got time to figure out a plan B."

"Plan A was not to end up in prison," Red told him dryly. "This is more like coming up with a plan D."

"You're a very resourceful woman," he smiled. "You're back in the kitchen, and from the sounds of it you're making the most of that situation."

"A very shitty situation," she corrected him. "Those bags, Sam-"

"I'm not getting into another debate about those with you." He held up his hands to cut her off. "It's over my head. Caputo and the Warden make those decisions, not me."

"Ugh," Red scoffed. She settled back into her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. Exhaling a deep breath, she crossed her right leg over her left and pursed her lips.

Healy cleared his throat. "Other than the food, are you doing okay in the kitchen?" He asked. "Mendoza isn't causing you any trouble?"

Red shook her head. "She's got bigger problems than me," she said simply.

"Yea, I know," Healy scratched at a spot behind his ear. "She spent the night in medical after a fight with Burset."

"Sophia?" Red felt her eyes widen in alarm. "That's must be why she wasn't at breakfast or at lunch."

Healy shrugged. "I thought everyone knew about it."

Red shook her head. "I thought she was just sleeping in," she said in mock irritation. "Her girls never mentioned where she was, and I never asked." She uncrossed her arms. "But no wonder Sophia wasn't in the cafeteria either. Hmmm."

"Try not to worry about it," Healy told her dismissively. Leaning forward once more on his desk he nodded toward the phone on his desk. "You can use my phone if you want."

"For what?"

"To call your sons."

"Oh." She wrinkled her nose in thought. "No."

"No?"

"It's fine," she said rising to her feet. "I'll call them out there. I need to get to the cafeteria anyway, it's almost dinner time."

"Very well," he nodded his head in understanding. "I'll talk to you later?"

Red shrugged passively. "Yea, maybe by then you'll have an update on my girl." The words rolled playfully off her tongue, but they both knew she was anything but joking.

Closing the door behind her, Red strangely felt much lighter than she had in weeks. While she still didn't feel completely at ease with Nicky's situation, she found an odd comfort in the obvious change in dynamic between herself and Healy. It was one that toed the line of complete insanity, and yet in the same breath, it didn't seem that strange at all. For so long he had been a steady and warm confidant, someone she could always depend on and someone she could draw strength from. He made her feel normal, and in prison that feeling was a hard comfort to come by.

As she walked down the hallway, she tried to put all thoughts of Healy out of her mind. She needed a clear head if she was going to get through a decent conversation with her sons.

"Christ," she murmured under her breath as she approached the phones. All thoughts of her children fell from her mind as her brain worked to comprehend Gloria's figure standing at the phones. She approached her without even realizing it, tapping her gently on the shoulder.

"Hey," Red whispered. "Are you okay?"

Gloria nodded her head in acknowledgment. "Fine," she said gruffly. Pulling the phone from its hook, she cradled it between her shoulder and ear.

"You don't look fine," Red countered her.

"It's been a long night," Gloria growled. "Or.. a long day. I don't know anymore." She angrily punched in Lourdes' ten-digit phone number and leaned against the wall. "Those fucking idiots down in medical kept me there all night for a black eye. I haven't slept."

Red shook her head disapprovingly. Grasping Gloria' chin in her hand she tilted her head up toward the light so that she could get a better look at her eye. "Did she punch you?" She asked.

"Nah," Gloria cleared her throat and angled the receiver away from her mouth. "It wasn't all her fault… things just got heated and she pushed me. The wall I ran into did more damage than she did."

"Well," Red continued to survey the bruising around her orbital socket. "They probably just wanted to make sure that nothing was broken." She dropped her hand back to her side. "Was this over your son?" She asked

Gloria nodded, cursing under her breath as her aunt's phone forwarded her to voice mail. "Hijo de puta. Son of a bitch!" She slammed the phone back into its cradle before picking it up once more and redialing the number. "I spoke to my son, did I tell you? The other night, after Sophia came in and accused him of starting that fight… turns out he ran. Benny ran as soon as it started going down, and then she has the nerve to come to me and tell me that my son is her son's problem?"

Red's eyes widened in interest. "No," she shook her head. "You must have left that little detail out.

"Yea, well- Hello? Hola?" Gloria shifted on the balls of her feet. She went from leaning back against the wall to standing at attention. "Lourdes?" Si… Si… estoy bien. I'm fine." She consoled her aunt. "It's nothing… a black eye… yea, well… this time I really did run into a wall… calmalte. Take it easy, no reason to get worked up."

Rolling her eyes heavenward, Gloria shook her head as she listened to her aunt lecture her.

"This one really wasn't my fault," Gloria objected stubbornly. "Why? Because I was defending my son… Aye."

Red's lips tugged into a smile, her brows raising of their own volition as she listened to Gloria's side of the conversation. She didn't think she had ever heard her sound so childish in all of the years that she had ever known her.

"Fine," Gloria said suborning. "Is Benny there, can I talk to him?" She sighed. "Julio? No… no… it's fine."

She held the phone in place with her shoulder and reached beneath her shirt to pull out a folded piece of paper and pencil that had been tucked into the waistband of her pants. She smoothed the paper out against the wall and scratched the tip of her pencil against the paper nervously.

"Lourdes, I need a favor."

Red leaned against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest, she continued to smile as she listened to Gloria plead with her aunt.

"Not a big favor," Gloria promised. "A little one… I need you to give me Reina's number… you don't have it?" She shook her head, licking her tongue across her lips. "What about Selena's?" She exhaled a deep breath. "Okay… what about an address?"

Red uncrossed her arms to pick mindlessly at her fingernails. She could feel Gloria looking at her from the corner of her eye, but she continued to keep her attention focused elsewhere. She couldn't bring herself to walk away from Gloria and she wasn't exactly sure why… she just knew that she wanted to be close to her.

"What was the last number… 7? Yea... the zip code…" Gloria smoothed her hand out over the address she had written out. "And this is Reina's?" She nodded her head, silently following along to what her aunt was telling hers. "Okay… yea, I'm going to try and write to her." She tucked the paper and pencil back into the waistband of her pants.

"I don't know!" Gloria exclaimed. "Maybe because I'm going on like hour sixteen with no sleep and I'm feeling delusional and hopeful that she'll write me back... well, yea, what can I say? I'm a dreamer." She sighed. "Ok.. tell my kids- yea… I love you too. Bye"

Hanging up the phone, Gloria placed both of her hands against the wall and attempted to stretch out her back. "I don't want to go to work," she complained. "I don't want to fucking be here anymore."

"It's prison," Red told her unsympathetically. "I don't think any of us want to be here." She motioned for Gloria to follow her as they made their way into the cafeteria. "I didn't know where you'd been all day so I didn't make enough for you… but you can have the piece I saved for Frieda."

"Piece of what?" Gloria asked uninterestedly.

"Ratatouille." The word rolled of Red's tongue as easy as silk. As if it were the most natural thing to casually offer someone in prison. "She's been bringing in vegetables from the garden… my new way of coping with the slop they're feeding us these days."

Gloria rolled her eyes. "You're still on that?"

"I'll never be over it," Red told her honestly, waving a fork at her as she popped the little piece of ratatouille into the over to warm up. "But… as Healy said, I am resourceful."

"That I never questioned," Gloria smirked. "You can do a lot with a little… More than I could do anyway."

"That's not even the half of it," Red grinned. "You'll never guess what I walked in on today."

"Nothing can beat me walking in on Flores…" Gloria shook her head. "Never mind. I'm still trying to get the image out of my head."

Red opened the oven and with her mitted hand, pulled out the ratatouille. "Piper and that new girl… What's her name?"

"We get new girls every week." Gloria couldn't have seemed less interested if she had tried, but for Red's sake, she played along. "Estrella, Stila, Stellar- Stella?" She pulled the paper she'd written Reina's addresses on out and stared at it thoughtfully.

"I guess," Red set the plate down in front of her and handed her the fork she'd waved at her just moments ago. "I walked in on her and Piper… making out… this afternoon."

"Oh, yeah?"

Red folded her arms and leaned across the counter, watching as Gloria continued to survey the paper in her hands. "You know… Nicky would enjoy this… the gossiping."

"I'm not Nicky."

"Yes, I know," Red frowned. "Nicky would also eat my food and tell me how good it was." Red walked around to read the address from over Gloria's shoulder. "She'd also tell me about feeling hopeful and delusional about someone writing her back."

Gloria silently cut into the ratatouille and brought a bite up to her lips. She ate it slowly, humming for Red's benefit as the flavors saturated her taste buds. "You're a wonderful cook," she told her dryly. She cut into another piece before sticking it into her mouth. She winked playfully and then swiped her tongue over her bottom lip. "No, it really is good, though. I'd love to see what you'd be able to pull off with unlimited supplies."

Red smiled. "But you're not going to tell me about this Reina… or Selena… or your delusions?"

Gloria fed herself the last bite of the ratatouille. "Not much to tell," she said sadly. "At least not yet."

"Well… who are they? Your sisters, your daughters?"

"My girls," Gloria confirmed. "We'll see… today I'm feeling hopeful… but usually, I never end up sending the letter."

"I think you should," Red insisted. "You never know."

"We'll see." Gloria stood up and walked her dishes to the sink. "But tell me more about Piper and that Australian Bunny."

"Oh, that's not even the best of it," Red's eye lit up as wide as her smile. "I got her to give me a cut from her panty business."

"How the hell did you manage that?" Gloria's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Why would you even want to be part of that?"

"It's a long story," Red said seriously. She looked over at the clock on the wall. "But I'll tell you all about it if you help me get dinner started and then I'll even let you take the evening off, and tomorrow morning if you want it."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really."

"Well," Gloria sighed. "It was worth a shot."


	4. Chapter 4

Scene: Post S3E12. Gloria's aiding Daya through the beginning stages of her labor while trying to work through her crushing guilt. Meanwhile, Red is overthinking a more charismatic side to Healy.

-04-

The day had been unsettling, to say the least, and now, Gloria wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and tuck herself into bed. Instead, she found herself sitting in Maria's bunk, reclining against the cement divide that separated her from the cube next door. For the better part of an hour, she'd been struggling to focus on the self-assigned task that she'd first challenged herself to complete two days ago.

In her lap, she had one of the large cookbooks from the kitchen and one of Daya's legal pads—the kind that she usually reserved for her sketches. Gloria had been working to write a letter to her daughter, Reina, but all she'd been able to accomplish was small, silly drawings of her own: A flower in the top corner, and a heart in the other, with two little balloons with their ribbons tied together in a bow, in the left-hand margin. It was cute, and it distracted from the chore of tapping into her feelings, which if the wadded-up pieces of paper that littered the floor, were any indication, was no easy feat.

She leaned her head back against the divide. The weight of the world felt as if it were sitting on her chest, just waiting to crush her. Clenching her hands into fist and slowly releasing them, she worked to steady the millions of thoughts that were racing through her mind. Sighing, she sat up straight, and catching sight of Daya's bare and lifeless bunk across from her, a sad smile pulled across her face.

The blankets and sheets that had been stained with her blood had already been stripped and discarded, and though Alex Vause had come down some time ago with new sheets from laundry, Gloria hadn't been able to summon the strength to move and make the bed. So, they sat untouched and neatly folded in the spot next to her.

Tucking the pencil behind her ear, she rubbed her hand over her tired eyes. It took everything she had to stifle a yawn and resist the urge to go lie down in her own bunk. She had spent a majority of the day coaching and supporting Daya through her contractions, rubbing her back and demonstrating how to breathe, that she almost felt like she had been the one in labor.

Of course, if memory served her correctly, she had been a far easier patient for Lourdes than Daya had been for her. Repeatedly, she'd had to sternly remind Daya to remain calm, which sounded ridiculous, she knew, when another human being, the size of a watermelon, was trying to tunnel their way out of your vagina. But after having four children of her own, she liked to think she was well versed in the art of childbirth.

…

"You have to calm down," Gloria told Daya as she pushed her hair out of her face. "Crying like this isn't good for your baby. I know it hurts but working yourself up like this is just going to put you in distress."

"It's not my baby," Daya had gritted through her teeth. She was sweating and in pain, more pain than she could ever remember experiencing in all her years. She bit down on her bottom lip to keep from crying out, wanting to obey Gloria's commands to remain calm. The force of her contraction as they ripped through her uterus was strong enough to knock her off her feet.

"You're pushing it out of your cooch, whose else's baby is it?" Gloria had asked her sarcastically. She held Daya's hands in hers as they completed another lap of walking up and down the aisle of the empty dorm. She wrapped a strong, supportive arm around her waist, holding her tight against her side as she led her back into her cube.

Daya didn't resist the temptation to glare at her. "You know what I mean." She hunched herself over the locker, rocking on the heels of her feet as she rode the waves of an intense contraction.

"No," Gloria had said, "I don't."

To pretend like she didn't know of the underhanded moves Aleida had made, regarding Daya's pregnancy and Pornstaches mother, was futile and stupid. She had disagreed with her friend from the very moment she had told her about it, not understanding how Aleida couldn't see beyond her own selfish greed. To keep or give up a child was a personal choice, one that Gloria felt should have been Daya's alone, and not one that was coursed from her.

Often times, throughout the course of her own life, and especially after she had ended up in prison, Gloria had found herself wondering if she had made the right decision in keeping her children. She'd been so young when she had welcomed Reina, her oldest, into the world, and hadn't been too much older when she had welcomed Benny, her baby. In her heart, while she could never imagine life without them, she often struggled with accepting the disadvantage she truly felt they'd had with her as their mother.

Young and mildly educated, only sixteen years old when she had gotten pregnant the first time, Gloria remembered being and feeling the exact way Daya did now. She didn't have her mother, and she didn't even fully have her child's father in the picture. He had fluctuated a lot in his decision to be present throughout her pregnancy, often even accusing Gloria of cheating and getting pregnant by someone else in a conspiracy to trap him.

However, unlike Daya, what she did have was her aunt. Lourdes was someone who had been supportive and encouraging from as early as she could remember. A woman firm and traditional in her beliefs, her aunt had been ready to abandon them all for whatever Gloria had decided to do.

While Lourdes had always strongly opposed abortion, believing with all her heart that it was a sin. And despite how sick to her stomach it had made her to even lay it out on the table as an option, she had never wanted Gloria to feel forced into anything that she did not want to do.

They had talked adoption once or twice, Lourdes wanting her to understand that no matter what she decided it was a choice she'd have to live with the rest of her life. It wasn't until she was nearing her sixth month of her pregnancy, that she had decided for certain to keep her baby. While heartbroken and sad that Gloria had put herself in a position where she was quickly forced to grow up, Lourdes had always been her greatest supporter and her biggest cheerleader. It pained Gloria that Daya didn't feel that same support and unconditional love from her own mother and that she had more or less been bullied into giving her child up.

As Daya cried out in pain, another contraction ripping through her abdomen and back, Gloria refocused her attention. She rubbed her hands down the length of the younger woman's back, her fingers easily locating the muscles that were tightening and spasming in her lower lumbar region. She tried to mimic and remember the way her aunt had manipulated her pressure points for her when she had been in labor all those years ago.

"How is that?" She asked calmly. It was a different experience to be on this side of the fence—to be the one comforting and coaching a mother-to-be.

"It fucking hurts," Daya had whimpered. "How in the fuck did you push out four of these fuckers?"

Gloria had to smile, laughter vibrating in the back of her throat. "I don't know," she answered honestly. In her mind's eye, she saw flashes of her younger self-bent over a coffee table, Lourdes doing for her exactly what she was doing now. "I just did."

Thinking back on her labors and the way she had handled herself through all of them, Gloria felt a surge of primal instinct flood through her. She'd had no drugs and home births for her first three children and giving birth to her babies in such a manner had been an experience like no other. It had bonded her and Lourdes in a way that she would forever cherish, but it had also made delivering Benny in a hospital, via c-section, all the more frightening. Her pregnancy with him had been anything but easy. Not being able to labor in the comfort of her own home, with the freedom to move as she pleased or needed to, had been incredibly frustrating, if not suffocating.

Continuing to knead the ball of her hand into Daya's back, she said, "I had my eldest daughter in the bathtub. I wish I could put you in one now, it'd take a lot of pressure off your back."

She pulled on Daya's hips, silently signaling for her to step back with her. She guided her the few steps over to her bunk and instructed her to squat down.

"We need to make sure we get this kid down in your pelvis," she told her. "This is how I had my second, squatting and holding onto the bed."

"You never heard of a hospital?" Daya asked her, moaning as she rode the waves of another contraction.

"I saw doctors, went to ultrasounds, but…" Gloria shrugged. "Mi Tia just always wanted me to be home, where we could do it our way and no one was there to restrict us or tell me how I could move. The body knows what it's supposed to do, Daya. Women have been giving birth for centuries."

Daya nodded, her eyes closing and head bobbing as she felt her contraction ease. "How did you have the other ones?"

"I had Julio in the kitchen," Gloria chuckled. "Almost had him in the living room, but we had just got a new rug so-"

"And you had the last one in a closet?" Daya asked sarcastically.

Gloria shook her head, pulling Daya up and helping her sit down on her bunk. She kneeled in front of her again, taking off her shoes and laying her back. She set her up with a pillow behind her back and one in between her knees.

"Benny was much different," she told her, as she moved another pillow under her hips. The fear in her voice, even fifteen years after the fact was still very much present. "I had never had a baby in a hospital before, let alone a c-section. I'm still not sure how I really felt about that, but, it's better than the alternative of losing him. He'd been so active the whole pregnancy that he got himself wrapped up in his umbilical cord."

She had to smile at the memory, her hand automatically laying protectively on the flat surface of her abdomen as she perched herself on the edge of Daya's bunk.

"I should have known from the beginning he'd be my greatest source of trouble."

"At least you didn't have to have him in a fucking prison," Daya hissed angrily. Her eyes were closed, and her hands were clenched around the fabric of her blankets. "I wasn't supposed to be doing this alone," she whimpered her voice cracking with emotion. "I wasn't supposed to be doing this in here."

"I know, mija," Gloria rubbed her back.

"John isn't here, my mom isn't even here," Daya wiped angrily at the tears that pooled in her eyes. The pain that surged her veins as another contraction started up almost masked the pain that was weighing in her heart. She was starting to realize that nothing, not even childbirth would compare to how hurt and betrayed she felt by her own people.

Gloria sighed sadly. "Do you want me to get her?" There was nothing she could do about Bennett. He had been a lost cause from the beginning, and now he was a ghost.

Aleida, however, was probably burning a hole in the hallway with her pacing. Per Daya's wishes, she'd been isolated and banned from helping her through the laboring process. Daya had only wanted Gloria, and while that had honored and warmed the older woman's heart, she felt extremely conflicted with finding herself, once again, in the middle of the tumultuous mother-daughter relationship.

However, her loyalty to Daya had won out over her loyalty to Aleida and Gloria had wasted no time in pulling rank. When it came to Spanish Harlem, she was practically the Queen. She had ordered everyone from the dorm, wanting to offer Daya the most serene experience that she could. She'd put the rest of her girls to work, ordering them to work in shifts. Flores and Maritza were working in the kitchen, while Flaca and Maria guarded the door.

"No, fuck her," Daya had gritted through her teeth. "She's the reason I'm in the mess."

"Your mother didn't get you pregnant," Gloria told her disapprovingly. "No, you did that all on your own." She rubbed her hand along the base of Daya's neck, her fingers working at the angry knots that were embedded in her muscles. "You're going to be a mother now, part of that means owning your shit. You can't keep blaming everybody else for the choices that you made."

Whether it was because of the pain of her contractions, or her hormones or even because of the harshness of her words, Gloria wasn't sure, but Daya had dissolved into a complete fit of tears.

"I don't think I can do this, Gloria," she admitted brokenly. "I don't- I can't."

Gloria eased the pressure of her hands, trailing them down so that she was once more rubbing her back. Hearing Daya so broken and weak took her back to the emotions surrounding her eldest daughter's birth.

She'd been a raging basket case for months, the surge of her teenage hormones, culminating with the hormones of pregnancy, in addition to the personality of the very opinionated and lively child she was soon to meet, had been nothing short of sensory overload for her. She had felt everything so strongly that pregnancy: The loss of her mother, the abandonment of her father, and especially the absence of her boyfriend. It had been a vicious rollercoaster ride that she subjected herself to, and one that had taken nearly five years and a second child to break from.

"I had just turned seventeen when I had my daughter," Gloria told her. "Three days before, actually. I was… Daya, I was really young and in love and I thought her arrival was going to be the answer to all of my problems-"

"And she wasn't," Daya interrupted her emotionally. "It never is, kids just always fuck everything up. It's what Aleida has always said, and now look at me… how could I let this happen?"

"She was everything that I needed," Gloria told her passionately. "I needed all of them, way more than they ever needed me. I needed a reason to keep going, mija, and they're still what keep me going. Even when I want to cry and give up, I think about them and I can get through another day in here. I've fucked up a lot… and I have a lot of work to do to make things right with my kids, but Daya, your baby will still be young when you get out of here. If you want to be a mother, you can be. You will still have that option to start fresh, to do things differently than Aleida did with you."

She rubbed her back soothingly. "It's your choice… only one that you can make."

"I don't want to be like you," Daya had cried, gripping her stomach. "I'm not going to be like you and Aleida and have a whole bunch of kids that I just disappoint. I want better for this baby."

…

Daya's words had cut deeply, just as much, if not more so, than if Gloria had heard them from the mouth of her own child. They were now, however, what made her even more determined to finish her letter. Sighing, she pulled the pencil from behind her ear and made light, ghosting motions above the paper, debating on how to start

Reina

No. She erased her daughter's name.

Dear Reina

She inhaled a sharp breath. That looked better.

Dear Reina,

I hope this letter finds you well and that you're doing everything in life that you have ever wanted to. I've started writing this a dozen times, so, please forgive me if I don't make much sense and my thoughts seem to be all over the place, but I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I think about you every day… but for some reason, you've been weighing on my mind more than usual.

I heard from Lourdes, that you were in college and had studied over in England. I am so, so, so, incredibly proud of you. I hope that you had the time of your life over there and that it fueled your fire to keep going. I've always wanted so much for you. I wanted you to do better than I have done, and I am so proud that you are.

Lourdes tells me you call her and have even written to her a few times. Thank you. I know it really means a lot to her, and it means a lot to me. I think she's always thought of you kids like her grandchildren, and you were her first baby after all.

Gloria licked her lips as she read over the letter. Rubbing her hands together, she rolled her neck along her shoulders to ease the tension. She felt tight and tense and she arched her back to ease the pressure. Popping her knuckles, she once more put her pencil to paper and began to write.

I haven't heard much about Selena. How is she? I hope she's doing okay. Is she in school too, or working? I really miss you girls. I miss your grandmother too. Eva has always had such a special place in my heart and I owe her my life for taking such good care of you girls, especially after my arrest. Is she still playing bingo every Tuesday? I've gotten pretty good at dominos in here, but I know she wouldn't be too impressed by that.

Reina, there are so many things that I want to say and ask you, but I just don't know how to express it all in a letter. I don't even know if you'll read this. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't if you mailed it back or threw it into a bond fire.

You don't owe me anything. I would never expect anything from you, as I shouldn't. I've hurt you and your sister and your brothers in so many ways, so many times, that I don't even expect any of you to ever forgive me.

But… if you do find yourself wanting to reach out, I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to talk to you, and your sister. I'm reaching, I know, but, I'd love to see you, and her, and the boys. I haven't seen you all together in nearly eight years… I miss you, baby.

Sincerely,

Gloria.

"Mm," Gloria grunted. She quickly erased that. No matter Reina's personal feelings toward her, or any of her children's personal feelings toward her, she was their mother. She eagerly resigned her name.

Love,

Mom

"Hey, Mendoza," Flores voice called out to her, interrupting the flow of confidence that was surging through her veins. When she appeared in the entryway of the cube, Gloria raised a brow at her in question. Her wild mane was even more unruly than usual. Something Gloria didn't even know was possible.

"What?" She asked.

"Thought you wanted an update on Daya," Flores answered easily. She was more than used to her superior's crass attitude and hardly flinched. "She had a girl."

"Really?" A smile pulled across Gloria's lips. "What did she name her? Is she going to keep her?"

"I don't know," Flores shrugged. "Aleida was talking about calling Mrs. Pornstache and told her the baby died, so, I hope so."

"Fuck," Gloria cursed under her breath. She dropped her pencil down beside her and rubbed a hand over her face. "When is that crazy bitch ever going to learn to mind her own business?"

"Not today, apparently," Flores said. She walked into the cube and grabbed the folded sheets to make up Daya's bunk. "Where's her pillow?" She asked.

"I'm using it. I'll put it back when I'm done," Gloria said distractedly. She rubbed her hands together and then down the fabric of Maria's blanket. They felt oddly sticky. "Was Red alright without my help today?" She asked concernedly.

"She's fine," Flores answered. "She just kept going on and on about her fucking corn and how the black girls robbed her."

"Huh," Gloria smirked. "I thought Healy had brought her a case of corn?" She rolled her neck along her shoulders to ease the tension. She felt incredibly tight. She arched her back to ease the building pressure.

Flores picked up Gloria's littered scraps of paper and threw them into the trashcan. "It's been like two months and she's still bitching about the food. Did you really think she'd let Taystee and them just steal her corn and not say anything about it?" She shook her head. "But, she wanted me to give you this." Flores held out a folded-up scrap of paper.

"What is it?" Gloria asked, taking it from her.

Flores shrugged, already making her leave to exit. "She didn't say, and I didn't ask."

Unfolding the scrap of paper that Flores had handed her, a smile touched Gloria's lips. "Dinner, tonight?" She read the words over again and feeling her stomach summersault with excitement.

They'd been getting along so well the last couple of weeks, Red extending invitations to her she otherwise normally wouldn't. Like this dinner for example. For the last couple of weeks, Red had been doing a silent auction of sorts, encouraging a friendly competition between all the inmates who wanted in on her little veggie-tales, garden expo. While Gloria hadn't even entertained the thought of partaking in the meal, Red had been persistent in getting her to reconsider.

She bit her lip in thought. On one hand, if she went, she thought maybe she could get her opinion on her letter to Reina. As a mother who took great, undeniable pride in her family, Gloria found Red to be the easiest one she could talk to regarding the matters concerning her children. She felt understood, unlike with Aleida, who practically dismissed everything she said. At the thought of her friend, she frowned.

It was clear to see that she didn't have a choice at all. As much as she would have liked to see Red and talk to her about the letter, she knew she needed to be with Aleida. Especially, after the day's events and how she'd kept been kept at bay. Gloria knew that despite what she needed, her friend needed her more.


	5. Chapter 5

Scene: Picks up from where the last chapter ended but more from Red's perspective.

-05-

"Hi, Lida," Red greeted her daughter-on-law. "Yes, honey, I know," she said softly, adjusting the phone where she held it next to her ear. "It has been a while… How are you?" She folded her free hand into a fist and placed it on her hips. Pursing her lips, she nodded her head in understanding.

"That's good to hear," she told her sincerely. "I'm glad things are getting easier for you. Oh, I got the pictures you sent. I really appreciate that. The kids are beautiful."

She grinned as she listened to the young mother's pride as it intensified in pitch. "Well, he's still young, but I'm sure in time he will come to love his sister. He's just not used to having to share you and Vasily." She chuckled. "I've been there, honey. I had three myself. Speaking of Vasily, is he there? I was hoping to talk to him. I called Yuri and Maxsim yesterday, but they sent me to voicemail. I think they're still scared I'm going to yell at them."

Red arched her own back into her hand, rolling her neck from side to side as she stretched out the muscles in her neck. She could hear light rustling and whispering as Lida passed the phone over to Vasily. She had to resist chuckling as she heard him ask how her mood sounded.

She had been in quite a state the last time she had seen her children. Mother's Day had gone very differently from the way anyone could have predicted and it seemed no one had been in a hurry to pay her a visit, or answer her calls, at least as far as her two older boys were concerned.

"Ma?"

"Vasily, hi, honey."

His voice as it came over the receiver was music to her ears. They'd always been so close, ever since he had been a little boy, and she was grateful that prison hadn't changed that. She wished she could say the same for Yuri and Maxsim, but it seemed as that as more time passed it only added to their already strained relationship.

"It's good to hear your voice," he told her sweetly. "Did you get the pictures we sent?"

"I did," she reaffirmed. "I was just telling Lida how beautiful the kids were."

"Yea, they're getting big." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "How are you doing, ma? You hanging in there?"

"One day at a time," Red told him. "I'm better now that I have heard you voice." She bit her lip awkwardly and the licked her tongue over it to sooth the ache. "Listen honey, I'm sorry I haven't called. That's wrong of me, but I just needed some time to cool down. I hope you're not too angry with me?"

There was a pause.

"No, Ma," he finally answered. "I'm not angry. Are you still angry with us for lying about the store?"

Another pause.

She inhaled a deep breath and rubbed a nervous hand tough her hair. Would it make her a bad mother to say yes, or would she be worse for lying to him and telling him that all was well? She had always raised her sons to be honest, and if they'd ever taken a page from her book, they'd see the huge ramifications of keeping secrets. Not that she was trying to compare losing her store to the secrecy of the crimes she committed. That would be like comparing apples and oranges.

"Ma?"

"Yes, Vasily," she finally said, his voice breaking through the haze fogging her mind. "I mean, no- I'm not mad. I was hurt, but… no," she spoke with such honest conviction. "I am not angry with you, or your brothers for that matter, but, I'm still not exactly thrilled with any of you either. This is a lot to get used to."

"I know."

She sighed heavily, her hand coming to rub at her forehead. "How is your father?" She changed the subject. "Is he taking the divorce alright?"

"Are you?" Vasily asked. "He seems okay… I guess it was a long time coming."

"Not if he hadn't lied to me," Red's nose twitched in irritation. "You know, that don't you?" For so long she had given up everything to make her marriage work. She had sacrificed passion and romance and had long since played the role of a committed bride. When she'd had the option to leave all those years ago, she had chosen to stay.

She didn't know why. Maybe it was the comfort, the knowledge that if she was with Dmitri, she would never have to be alone. It wasn't as if immigrating from Russia had been the easiest thing in the world. She had come to this country with a single suite case and fear, and nothing more.

"I wish you would have at least told us," Vasily said softly.

His tone almost… almost made her feel guilty.

"Well," the word was dry on her tongue. She cleared her throat. "What's done is done. I'm sorry if I hurt you or your brothers with my decision. It was not my intention to do that. You boys are the most important and greatest thing I've ever done in my life, Vasily, but… I'm tired of pretending honey. I'm tired of the lies. I have a little less than two years in this place and I just want to come home and start fresh. I want to be with you and your brothers and spend time with those wonderful grandchildren. He's always going to be your father, and I will always love him for giving you kids to me, but… it's time that we have started looking forward to the future."

"Okay."

"Okay?" She questioned him.

"Yea," Vasily sounded confident. "I love you, Ma. I don't always understand some of the things that you do, but I just want to put this behind us. Try not to worry, alright? You'll come home, and things will be fine."

Red felt her heart skip a literal beat. She rubbed her free hand over her chest soothingly, her tummy simultaneously doing backflips.

"Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?" He asked with a laugh. "You brought me into this world, I know you wouldn't hesitate to try to take me out."

"Oh, Vasily, stop," Red chuckled. She sighed softly and leaned back to rest her weight against the wall. "Today has been a crazy day around here," she said conversationally. "I don't think I have ever been so tired."

"Yea?" He asked interestingly. "What did you do?"

"Hmm," she murmured. "Well, I had to run the kitchen by myself. Usually that's fine, you know, I've always done it, but I guess I just got so used to the help and didn't realize it. Anyway, one of the girls had their baby, so, a lot of excitement buzzing around here."

"Oh, wow," Vasily praised. "A baby in prison… that's got to be hard. Is she okay?"

Red shrugged, momentarily forgetting that he couldn't see her. "I'm not sure," she answered honestly. "She's not one of mine and I haven't asked any of her people for an update. I hope they show up tomorrow though, I was hoping to take it easy and get off my feet. My back feels agitated more than usual."

"That's because you're getting old," he teased her. He exhaled a heavy breath. "Man… I can't believe people have babies in prison. That's so sad."

"Yes, it is," Red agreed. She felt her heart explode with compassion. What had become normal to her was still a culture shock for her sons. Mothers were not supposed to be separated from their children, and they were most definitely not supposed to spend their days locked up like animals.

"How much time is she going to get with the baby after birth?"

"I think twenty-four hours?" Red said thoughtfully. "Maybe forty-eight. I'm not entirely sure."

"And Lida thought she had it bad when she only got sick weeks of maternity leave. Hell, I had to use vacation time to stay home with her and that was only four days. She wanted me to save it for emergencies."

One-minute remaining, an automatic voice said into the receiver.

"Well, honey," Red sighed. "While I am so proud that you're such an advocate for women's rights, I guess we should say good-bye. It is getting late, and I've had a busy day."

"Okay, Ma," He said agreeably. "Don't wait so long to call next time alright?"

"Alright my love," she whispered. "Do you think there's any chance you can come see me soon?"

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," she smiled. "And talk to your brothers for me, will you? Tell them if they won't come see me the least they can do is pick up the phone."

"I will," Vasily chuckled. "Bye, Ma. Love you."

"I love you too, have a good night. Kiss the babies for me." Hanging up the phone, Red stroked her hand down the base of it as a smile pulled across her lips. With a wistful sigh she turned away and began to walk down the hallway.

She hadn't been exaggerating with how exhausted she felt, and as much as she had wanted nothing more than to take a shower and tuck herself into bed, she knew sleep wouldn't have come unless she called her son.

It had been a very charged day for everyone, emotionally, it seemed.

For weeks she had been preparing to have a special feast using the ingredients from the garden, but had found the day before, that Taystee and her girls had stolen her corn. To say she had been furious, was an understatement. All the planning and scheming she'd done to try to pull off the dinner in the first place had been for nothing. She had felt like such a failure.

It wasn't so much the prospective of disappointing others that embarrassed her, but more how she personally felt about the situation. Her cooking was an art—a skill that she did not take lightly. What she was able to accomplish in the kitchen would make anybody's head spin. She could be given a handful of ingredients and create a masterpiece. She'd grown up in the kitchen, watching her mother and her grandmother cook and gossip, and now, doing it herself, had become a way she found herself able to connect with them. It also brought her a lot of inner peace, and it made her feel like she had a purpose.

She had even been able to take her passion and turn it into a business. Her little market hadn't been much, but it paid the bills and provided her with the means to put a roof over her family's head and food on the table. She'd endured a lot of hardships, prison being the worst of them, and even that hadn't been detrimental enough to break her spirit. Being assigned to the kitchen detail kept her sane on days she felt like giving up, which was why losing her job in the first place had been such a devastating blow.

As she passed Healy's office, on her to her own dorm, a smiled pulled across her lips. She felt incredibly indebted to him, even on days when she wanted nothing more than to choke the life out of him. He was a very peculiar character, but there was no denying that he had a fondness for her that went way beyond his basic sense of humanity. He'd becomes something of an asset to her, even if she'd had to twist his arm at times to get her way. But, despite the tug-of-war they often played, she would never deny that he hadn't helped her through some very difficult times.

He probably knew more about her than anyone, and that was saying a lot. She understood there was supposed to be a chain of command and unspoken rule of how much she should trust him, but she found it difficult to abide by that when he so blatantly went out of his way for her.

Like today, with brining her the corn. He didn't have to that. In all actuality, he should not have done that. It was a careless, emotionally charged decision… one that she appreciated greatly. It sent the message that he valued her, saw her as human… and that was nice. It'd been so long since she had been acknowledged as anything but a mother.

It wasn't just her though, that his thoughtfulness had affected. Everyone who had been able to attend her dinner had been able to benefit as well. For a few hours, enjoying one another's company and eating real food, and laughing and joking, she'd been able to provide her fellow inmates with a small glimpse at normality. Some of these women had spent nearly their whole lives in prison… and some of them would eventually die in here. She thanked God that wouldn't be her.

She had served a lengthy sentence, and though she still had two years to go, she would be going home. Her grandchildren would still be babies and she'd get to see them grow up. Nothing brought her more joy than they did when she thought about the future she was going to have with them. And while things were strained with her two older boys, she knew once she got home they'd be able to make it work. They always had been. She was even confident that she'd be able to tolerate Dmitri. He may not be her husband anymore, but he was the father of her children and the grandfather of her grandchildren. Their life together wouldn't just simply end because they were legally divorced. They forever were going to be stuck together. Only in death would they truly part.

Thinking about the life she had planned for herself, strangely brought Gloria to the forefront of her mind. She wasn't sure why, but a frown pulled across her lips. She'd found herself thinking about her a lot lately, and she wasn't exactly sure why. They'd gotten extremely close over the last couple of weeks, and especially after she'd consoled her through her panic attack.

She didn't think Gloria ever really took time to take care of herself. She always seemed preoccupied working through some hurdle or being dragged into someone else's mess. If Red were being honest she actually saw a lot of herself in her. She didn't know the meaning of the word relaxation. If she wasn't harassing administration for an update on Nicky, or walking in on Chapman-Vause drama, or trying to keep Norma from starting a cult or Frieda from implicating herself in murders she hadn't been charged with, then she was trying to deal with her personal, family chaos.

Gloria made her relax. Even when she vented to her about her own strife, Red never felt exhausted by it. Gloria had never depended on her to solve it, she had only ever sought her out to be a listening ear, and to keep her company.

It was a nice change and was actually something she had begun to look forward to do at the end of every shift. It was why Red had really been counting on Gloria to be at dinner tonight. She thought it might be nice to talk somewhere that wasn't the cramped office. She had hoped to catch up and ask her about her day, and how Daya was doing.

She'd been concerned for the younger woman all day and had heard the buzzing grape vine say that she had begun to experience some complications. Alex hadn't had the whole story, but she had told her about the bloody sheets and how Gloria had, for a lack of a better word, looked a little loss.

She sincerely hoped that the baby was okay. It was going to be hard enough for Daya to come back from the hospital, her post-partum hormones raging and tumbling inside of her, without having to worry about a possibly sick baby… or worse.

Though she had many mixed emotions about how the baby had come to be in existence, Red wasn't completely heartless to the fact that it was an innocent life. She didn't want anything bad to happen. In fact, if she were completely honest, she felt a little sorry for it. A mother and a grandmother in prison… no father. No one to hold, or rock and comfort the little being to sleep—that wasn't how one's life was supposed to begin.

Gloria had talked to her a little about the plans Aleida had orchestrated for Pornstaches mother to take the baby, and she honestly couldn't think of a worse solution. How that woman could think that his mother was a suitable parenting figure was beyond her. She had never cared for Aleida, and seeing the way she treated her own daughter, and what little regard she seemed to have for her grandchild's life, made her want to like her even less.

She may not have always been the world's best mother and had no doubt disappointed and failed her own children, in more ways than she could even begin to apologize for, but she had always put her children and her family above all else. Every decision—right or wrong—had been for them. For their safety. Their survival.

There may have been a lot of things that her children did, that she didn't agree with, but she always came around in the end. As their mother, that was her job. This personal fiasco with her store was one she was trying to put behind her, and though she had made no qualms about expressing her disappointment, she was making the strides to fix it. And even with Nicky, her girl, if she were here, she would first kick her and knock the living hell out of her, before she wrapped her in a hug.

Sighing, Red's hands moved to the small of her back. Her nimble fingers working to ease the knots in her aching back. As she passed down the hall where she'd had her dinner, her face pulled into a look of anger at the dishes and food she could see still laid out on the table.

"Son of a fucking-" the words were angry and harsh as they rolled off her tongue. "No, no…" she was muttering as she crossed the threshold into the room. Fury blazed through her veins. Taystee had agreed that she and her girls would clean up after the dinner. She had promised.

"Chlen prisoski. Cocksucker…" she hissed. This was the last time she ever fucking trusted anyone. Ever. No more fucking favors.

Rolling up her sleeves, she angrily began to stack the plates, slamming them down, one on top of the other. This is what she got for trying to be a good person, for trying to be understanding—the bigger person, as Nicky would say.

Fuck that. Where had that ever gotten her? No where good that was for sure.

She picked up a plate and scrapped it with her bare hand into the trash. All she had wanted was to take a shower and go to bed. She didn't want to be doing this. She didn't want to be cleaning after grown women because Taystee and her girls couldn't keep a promise. They'd gone back on their arrangement and that was unacceptable. In prison your word was all you had, without it you had nothing.

"Aye, Mama, really," a voice chastised from behind her. "You couldn't find a napkin?"

At the sound of Gloria's voice Red looked over her shoulder. She pursed her lips together, her brow raising high in question as she took in the sight of her. Gloria was standing in the doorway, wearing an apron and had two large, gray bussing trays, another apron folded across her arm.

"What are you doing?" Red asked dryly. She was still fuming inside but felt instantly better at the realization that she wasn't going to have to clean this mess up on her own.

Gloria smiled at her as she walked into the room. She could see the annoyance still written on the older woman's face and couldn't resist chuckling.

"I came looking for you and found Taystee and her girls cleaning up. I told them to leave it and that we'd do it." She set down the bussing trays and handed Red a napkin.

"Huh," Red licked her lips, gently setting the plate down as she quietly wiped her hand. She balled the napkin in her fist and tossed it into the trash. She then accepted the apron Gloria held out for her. Slipping it over her head and tying it around her waste she smoothed her hands down the front of it awkwardly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it," Gloria said casually. "I heard the girls talking about it, so I guess it was pretty good." She pushed the scraps of food into the trashcan before stacking the dishes into her bin. "Today was just such a long day," she explained. "Between Daya and Aleida, I haven't even really had a minute to myself."

"Oh," Red murmured. She gently shook her head. "It's okay. Maybe next time?" She began working to clean up one side of the table, while Gloria cleaned the other.

"How is Daya?" She asked. "I heard she had some complications."

"Yea, she started bleeding, but she's okay." Gloria reassured her. "She had a little girl."

"Does she have a name for her?"

"Aleida didn't say and I didn't ask."

"Was his mother going to pick up the baby?"

Gloria rolled her eyes as she shook her head. "Aleida called her and told her the baby died."

Red raised a brow high in surprise. "That the baby died? Why?"

"Don't ask," Gloria muttered. She sighed heavily. "If I spent any more time trying to figure out why she thinks the way she does I would never get any peace."

Red nodded in understanding. She knew that feeling well. Her eyes raked over Gloria's figure, watching her fluid movement as she focused on the task of cleaning up. She seemed different tonight, a little livelier than she had been the last couple of weeks.

"You look good," Red said gently. Her words hung in the air for a time, the very meaning of them not fully registering until she caught the wide-eyed look of surprise that flashed across Gloria's face.

"I mean—you know," Red stammered awkwardly. "Less stressed?" Even as the words left her mouth, Red wasn't sure if it they were intended as question or a statement.

She refocused her attention on the task of cleaning. The stress that Gloria had been under, because of her cold war with Sophia, had begun to affect more than just her temper. There was this light and persona that seemed just a little dimmer—less spicy.

"I wrote my letter to my daughter," Gloria said softly, a small smile on her lips. She felt so light in her heart tonight but still she struggled with the gut twisting feeling of whether she would send it or not. The relationship had been strained for so long, that she had almost begun to function with the scars their estrangement brought. Sometimes, it was almost as if her daughter was a figment of her imagination.

"Really?" There was an excitement in Red's tone, one that took them both by surprise.

Red removed the little cups of flowers that she had decorated the table with and placed them as neatly as she could in her bucket, careful not to damage them.

"How do you feel?" She asked. She reached for the table cloth and began to roll it up. She'd put it away in the office, hopefully after she planted fresh produce in the garden she'd be able to do something like this again.

Gloria wiped her hands once more down the front of her apron before taking the table cloth from Red and tucking it under her arm.

"Mm, okay?" She answered skeptically.

She picked up her bucket at the same time that Red picked up hers. Gloria hit the light switch with her elbow as the made their way to exit from the room.

"I actually wanted you to read it for me," Gloria admitted shyly as they walked shoulder to shoulder.

Red turned to look at her, her eyes wide with surprise. "Me?" She asked. A large smile pulled across her lips and she nodded her head in agreeance. "Okay."

She allowed herself to bask in the chemistry that flourished between the two of them. It was magnetic, and if she were honest with herself, Red had to admit that she was a little embarrassed at the way she had been so quick to assume the worst about Gloria all those months ago.

"I think she'd be glad you're reaching out," Red told her as she pushed open the doors of the cafeteria. She was careful not to let it swing back and hit Gloria in the face.

"I don't know about glad," Gloria said skeptically.

As they entered the main kitchen area she tossed her bucket, and the tablecloth she carried under her arm, onto the counter, and then turned behind her and effortlessly took Red's from her hands.

"But it's a step in the right direction, or, at least that is what I'm telling myself." She reached into the pocket of her scrub top and produced the letter. She handed it over with out another word and then turned back to start the dishes.

Red threw down her apron onto the counter before reclining against it. Though Gloria's letter was folded in her hands, she couldn't help but watch her. She didn't know what it was exactly that drew her to the younger woman. Perhaps it was complete admiration. She saw a strength in her, one that she knew Gloria didn't see in herself.

Pulling the letter from its envelope she unfolded it, and she traced the edges with the tips of her fingers. She averted her gaze from Gloria to the piece of paper in her hands. Gloria's handwriting was messy and slanted, almost as if she were writing in italics. It was cute.

Her eyes traced over the daughter's name—Reina. She wondered the meaning behind it, why it was the winner out of all the names that Gloria could have chosen. Your name said a lot about you, and she allowed her mind to wander to her own children. She had never had to think long about what their names would be. Once they'd been placed on her chest and she'd felt their heart beat against her own, she had just known. It was instinctive.

"I do like her name," Red said. "I don't know if I told you that."

Gloria turned her head and smiled at her. "It means queen."

"In Spanish?"

"Yea," Gloria answered. "Her sister is named after a singer. I went to a Selena Quintanilla concert in Houston with their father for our anniversary. I came home with Selena's autograph and a bun in the over." she chuckled. "And then my oldest son is named after his father and my youngest is named after my aunt's son who passed away a long time ago.

"Hmm," Red murmured as she continued to read. "Yuri is named after Dmitri's best friend who passed coming to America with us, and Maxsim is named after my grandfather and Vasily is named after my father."

Red smiled as she continued to read. Gloria's pride for her child was evident through every syllable. She wouldn't express it, but the way Gloria talked about her son and how much trouble she got into she was a little surprised that the daughter was in school and serious about her studies. She wondered what she was majoring in. She wondered if Gloria even knew. As much pride and love as she could read, she heard a lot of pain too.

Red couldn't imagine how it must feel to have so much self-hatred and disappointment. Not that she resigned herself to not feel any, when she thought about her mistakes and her crimes and what she was missing out on with her grandchildren, she felt it the most, but… when she recalled the early ears with her children, and how much she'd been able to do and provide for them, she couldn't help but want to pat herself on the back. She hadn't been perfect, but her children had never gone without either. They had never gone a day without knowing how much she loved and treasured every minute she had with them.

As she neared the end of the letter, it was Gloria's signature that resounded with her most.

"Love, Mom"

It seemed like such a natural thing to read. A perfectly normal ending. Had she not noticed the erase marks where Gloria had originally signed it with her name, Red would have never even suspected that it had been something she had to contemplate on.

She sighed heavily, her exhaustion cumulated with Gloria's very emotions and feelings literally in her hands, was a lot. She could feel it weighing on her heart. She folded the letter up, following the exact pattern that Gloria had originally folded it into and slipped back it into the envelope.

Aside from the running water as Gloria sprayed the dishes and stacked them, they were engulfed in silence. Walking away from here, Red headed into the office. She took a seat in the black chair, only just reclining in it when Gloria appeared in the door way.

"Are you coming in here to correct it?" Gloria joked dryly.

"No," Red said distractedly as she opened a drawer. "I have a stamp for it."

"So, then you think I should mail it?" Walking up to the desk, she sat herself on top of it and pushed herself back so that she could fold her legs in a crisscross-apple sauce style.

"I do," Red answered.

She peeled a stamp from the tab she had and pressed it into the corner of the envelope. She threw it onto Gloria's lap, not even batting an eye that was atop her desk, and reclined back once more, crossing her right leg over her left.

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"She tells me to fuck off," Gloria answered immediately. "Or… she says nothing and I know it means fuck off, but I hold onto hope that the letter just got misplaced and that she would write back if she could, if it had ever made it to her to begin with."

"Why is she so angry with you, Gloria?" Red asked her sincerely. She tilted her head thoughtfully as she waited for a response. When she didn't immediately get one she sighed.

"Look from personal experience… with Nicky, if Marka had put even half the thought into her letters that you did with Reina, the two of them could have potentially made some progress. It could have opened the dialogue, and I think Nicky, deep in her heart would have been receptive to trying. I don't know if Reina will write you… but I think you'd be cheating both her and yourself out of the opportunity."

Gloria focused her attention downward, playing with the shoelaces of her boots.

"Maybe," she shrugged. "We'll see how I feel about it in the morning."

Red rolled her eyes. She had learned along time ago that you couldn't force anyone to do anything they didn't want to, especially when they were as hard headed and set in their ways as Gloria was.

"I talked to my son tonight," she said, hoping to change the subject.

There was absolutely no way she was going to fight a losing battle, and it didn't seem that Gloria was ready to share that part of herself just yet. However, she did seem incredibly intrigued by this revelation.

"How did that go?" Gloria asked. "It's been a few weeks, right?"

"Surprisingly, it went well," Red said with a grin. "Well, maybe not that surprising. Vasily and I have always been close. He's my youngest," she added. "So, we spent a lot of time together just he and I when the older two were in school." She chuckled at her own words. "I guess technically, Nicky is my baby. She is about four months younger than Vasily. They're my trouble twins."

Gloria chuckled. "Do they know that?" She asked.

Red nodded. "They know about one another. I'm not sure how it'll work out once we are out of here, especially since I don't know what is going on with Nicky now." She rubbed her hand down the length of her thigh, smoothing out the wrinkles in her pants. "I don't really think my boys take me serious when I talk about her, though, so…" she trailed off. "I don't know…"

"My girls were actually okay when I brought had the boys," Gloria chuckled. "Of course, I didn't bring them home from prison, but they got along so well when they were small."

"Did the boys really have a choice but to get along with them then?" Red asked with a laugh.

Gloria shook her head. "I guess not. Poor little guys, Selena used to dress them up in doll clothes and then she and Reina used to push them in their little doll stroller."

Red erupted into a fit of laughter. "And you let them?" She asked in disbelief.

"Hey, no one was screaming in my ear and until they could run away and hide, the boys didn't complain either."

"Yuri used to ask me if we could take Vasily back to the store, but I told him they didn't do refunds. I do have agree with him that Vasily was a noisy, cranky baby. I wouldn't have minded taking his battery out occasionally, to catch a break," she joked.

"Their dad didn't help you?" Gloria asked sympathetically. There was a tone to her voice that held nothing but compassion. "I've been there," she said.

"Dmitri wasn't awful," Red defended her ex-husband, "But he wasn't the best either. Traditionally, mothers have done everything and are supposed to do everything by themselves, but you don't see how false that is. In Russia I would have had army, but other than my in-laws I was completely alone. I didn't have my mother, or my sisters and we had the kids so close together it was overwhelming. Plus, I was opening the store, which was adventurous and momentous as it got for me. I'd say I'd do it all differently, but I don't know… Now, my eyes are opened to how much opportunity is out there for people, but, coming to this country with nothing but a single suite case… those opportunities aren't for you. They're for your children and your grandchildren."

Red had made peace long ago with the hand she'd been dealt. "Now my grandkids have no excuse. I expect them to go to college and explore the world. I don't want them tied down and stuck in the same little bubble that I was."

Gloria nodded in understanding. "I had my aunt and the girl's grandmother but none of their dad's ever really stuck around. I was lucky that their grandmother took them after my arrest," she admitted quietly. "My aunt wouldn't have been able to keep all four of them, and they probably would have ended up being shipped around in the family."

Red watched sadly as Gloria rubbed her hands over her face, breathing heavily to keep her emotions in check. She felt so sorry for her and instantly felt the need to comfort her. She reached a hand out to touch her knee and squeezed it gently. She didn't know what to say, but the simple gesture felt like enough and she could tell that Gloria instantly felt calmer because of it.

"I'm sorry," Gloria apologized awkwardly. "I don't know why I'm so… everywhere with this. I'm usually not so… crazy. Everything is just so… so much lately. Between Sophia and my kid, and I just feel like the worst mother."

"Gloria," Red whispered. "You made mistakes. We all have but don't sell yourself short. You're trying and that is about all anyone can do."

Red felt like her heart would implode. Gloria couldn't even bring herself to look at her.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, you know."

"Haha," Gloria laughed dryly, scraping her hair back out of her face. "You're sweet… but I wouldn't forgive me if I was them. I mean, I really don't blame them for hating me. I just… I don't want their hate for me to destroy them," she whispered. She closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Shaking her head to dispel the heavy fog of emotion that clouded her. "I hate to keep putting this on," Gloria told her. "You have your own problems to deal with… but, I always feel better talking to you."

"Really?" Red asked her. Her hand was still on Gloria's knee.

Gloria nodded, and she covered Red's hand with her own. "Yea," she smiled. "I mean if anyone can remind me how sane I really am then it's you."

"Oh, gee, thanks," Red said mockingly. She squeezed her knee. "It's getting late," she said quietly.

"Yea," Gloria agreed, arching her back. "I was hoping to turn in early tonight." She unfolded her legs and scooted toward the edge of desk.

"You and me both," Red agreed. At the same that she pushed her chair back and stood up, Gloria touched both of her feet to the ground.

They were standing face to face, so close that Red felt her breath hitch in her throat as her blue eyes locked onto Gloria's brown ones. As badly as she wanted to look away, Red found that she couldn't. There was just something about the way Gloria was looking at her which compelled her to stay. It wasn't the same pleading, lost look, of someone who needed a mother figure or a pillar of support. No, the look in Gloria's eyes was as familiar as it was foreign- something she hadn't seen in many years, but one she knew she'd never forget.

Allowing her gaze to drift downward toward her lips, Red swallowed nervously. The little voice in her head screamed for her to leave, or at the very least, to say something that would break the rising tension. Suddenly the room felt smaller. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears and she swore it would eventually beat right out of her chest. She wondered if Gloria could hear it too.

"Goodnight, Red."

Automatically, Red stepped backward, she was still unable to avert her gaze. "Good-" her voice cracked, and she nervously cleared her throat. Gloria's back was already to her as she began to exit from the room. "Goodnight."

Exhaling a heavy breath, Red sunk slowly into her chair.

What the fuck was that? She asked herself. Her mind was buzzing, her thoughts tumbling so fast that she couldn't keep up. Her heart was still pounding within her ribcage and she rubbed her hand over chest soothingly.

"God," she sighed. She licked her tongue over her lips. They felt dry and her stomach felt twisty. If she didn't know any better, she would have almost thought they were going to kiss.

"Christ," she whispered. She felt her cheeks heat up just at the thought. It wasn't normal for her to think these things. She had never thought these things, not for Dmitri, not for Healy and especially not for a woman.

She rubbed a hand up over her face and through her hair. "Just tired," she told herself. "You're just tired. Go take a shower and go to bed."

Fuck, she cursed as she moved to stand again. Gloria's letter. Red reached quickly for the envelope, her hands shaking as she did so. She hit the edge of it against the palm of her hand a few times, debating on what she was going to do with it. There was no way she was going to be able to give it to her tonight, and she'd probably be too busy avoiding her tomorrow… she chuckled awkwardly.

How did she always manage to find herself in these situations? She exhaled a heavy breath.

Opening the drawer, she tucked the letter away. This was going to have to be a problem for tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

Scene: Same night.

-06-

She tried, with everything she had, not to think about her. She tried to put the moment out of her head—pretend as if it hadn't happened. She wanted to believe that the last few weeks were just a figment of her imagination and that nothing between them had really changed.

But all she could think about as she stared into the bathroom mirror was Sophia. She couldn't stop replaying the moment she'd seen her as she been exiting the cafeteria. The bruising and cuts on her face; the look of betrayal and anger in her eyes, as she was led away by two corrections officers, was too much for Gloria to bear and she'd adverted her eyes down to the ground.

She didn't speak up.

She didn't stop them.

She didn't apologize.

She let them take her, and that was a bitter pill to swallow. Despite the fact, that things had been tense between them, she never wished the woman ill. She had never wanted things to escalate to this. Even after their fight, in this very bathroom, she hadn't been angry.

If anything, having her face slammed into a wall had been a wake-up call to how stupid they both were being. Being trapped in this prison, behind these walls, was making them crazy. It was making them do stupid shit that she knew deep in her heart neither of them wanted to do. They were turning on one another when they were supposed to be protecting each other.

It wasn't about race. It wasn't about who was right or who was wrong. It was about them both trying to be the best mother's that they could be. In the same way that Benny had been her motivation and her fuel, she knew that Michael was Sophia's. It was primal, but somewhere, in a place they now couldn't return from, it had become personal.

Gloria wasn't sure where to go from here, or how she could fix it. She had never expected things to get to this point. Naively, she'd been hoping that it would all just blow over and that they'd be able to forget about it. Now, that was never going to happen.

She sighed as she scraped her damp hair back out of her face, clutching it tightly at the base of her neck.

"God," she whispered quietly, staring at her reflection. She hated the woman who was looking back at her. Hated her more than she had hated her that morning, hated her more than she had hated her a week ago. She hated her more than she had hated her ten years ago. Everything she touched, everything she did, she ruined.

Her children.

Her relationships.

Her friendships.

Tears pricked in her eyes, not daring to run or hide from the brutal reality that was hers. At the feel of her bottom lip trembling, she bit the inside of her cheek. Hard. Not daring to let go until she could taste blood, which was metallic in flavor.

She exhaled a breath, her eyes narrowing at her reflection. She had half a mind to punch something, or someone, her anger, and guilt rising to the surface in a way she hadn't recalled in a long time. The feeling was as foreign as it was familiar, and it scared her.

"What are you doing in here?"

Gloria straightened up at the sound of Aleida's voice. Her eyes shifted in the mirror and watching as Aleida stood calm and collectively behind her, Gloria clutched at the counter. She needed something to steady herself before she swung at her, otherwise, it would have been just another thing she couldn't take back. Aleida may have been the closest thing Gloria ever had to a sister, but right now, any love and admiration she had for her, would not be enough to stop her from knocking Aleida on her ass.

Gloria spit into the sink. Saliva mixed with blood. Turning on the faucet, she rinsed out the bowl and her mouth and then leaned forward so that she could splash some cold water on her face.

"Are you ignoring me now?" Aleida asked. She walked up to stand next to her, crossing her arms over chest. "What's gotten into you?"

Gloria looked over at her, tongue soothing against the inside of her cheek. "Nothing," she said finally.

"Doesn't look like nothing," Aleida mocked her. "You look like you've seen a ghost or something." Straightening her spine, and squaring her shoulders, her arms fell to her side. "Did something happen?"

At this, Gloria arched her brow. "What do you mean?"

"With the Russian," Aleida clarified. "You two get into it or something?"

"No." Gloria shook her head. She began to pack up the shower essentials that she had just finished using. "This isn't about her." Red was a whole separate issue—a pandora's box that she hadn't yet had time to process.

"You two have been getting a little too buddy-buddy lately," Aleida explained. She shrugged and smacked her lips. "You let your guard down too easily. I don't trust her, and I don't think you should either."

"What are you talking about?" Gloria frowned. "What has she ever done to you?" She wasn't going to defend herself or her friendship with Red to anyone, least of all Aleida.

At least, not tonight. Tonight, she was angry.

"We just going to forget how she acted when we took over the kitchen?" Aleida asked angrily. "She tried to play you, Mama. She messes with one of us, she messes with all of us. And don't think I haven't seen the way she looks at me and Daya." She scoffed, throwing her hand up in annoyance. "Like she's got it so much better when her kids a fucking junkie."

"Watch your mouth," Gloria growled. Red and Nicky weren't her problems. If anything, Red had been the only support she'd known for weeks.

"Just because you rolled over and gave her the kitchen, doesn't mean shit to me," Aleida hissed.

"Like Sophia?" Gloria zipped up her toiletry bag and tossed it roughly in a fit of anger. "Like Sophia didn't mean anything to you!"

Aleida's eyes followed the bag before slowly bringing them back up to meet Gloria's angry ones.

"The tranny bitch?" She scoffed. It was clear that she wasn't any more interested in this topic of discussion than Gloria was to talk about Red.

"No. Not the tranny bitch," Gloria corrected her through gritted teeth. "Sophia. Her name is Sophia." She licked her lips as she took a step, her face mere inches from Aledia's. "They took her down to seg tonight," she told her, cocking her head to the side. "Did you know about that… did you know that's what was going to happen?"

"She… he… it… whatever you wanna fucking call it," Aleida enunciated every word as she spoke. "Is fucking dangerous. Fucking with your visits, fucking with your kids… then fucking with you," she gestured angrily at her eye. "If anything, you owe me a than you."

"I don't owe you shit."

"Oh, yea?" Aleida asked with a laugh. "I'm not the one pushing you into walls and shit. Maybe you're used to letting some fucking man beat on you out there," she continued to speak even as Gloria recoiled inwardly from her words. "Maybe you think that shit is fucking normal, or cute, but it ain't, and it's not gonna happen in here. Not when I can do something about it. She got what was coming to her."

"Cute?" Gloria echoed. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn't keep the pain from filtering into her voice, or from flickering across her face. "You think I liked it?" She asked brokenly. "You think I liked getting my ass kicked, with my kids watching? You think I liked covering up black eyes and explaining why I was all bruised up like some kind of fucking apple?"

Aleida licked her lips slowly, seeming to realize at once what she had just said. She exhaled a deep breath, her eyes softening around the corners. Neither spoke for a time. They just stared into the other's eyes, silently communicating what suddenly seemed so hard say. Gloria's eyes were watery, her bottom lip trembling. It was as if she'd burst into tears at any moment.

"Wash your face… again." Aleida was the first to break the tension, looking down to the floor as she spoke. "Then get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning when you've had time to calm down."

"Fuck you," Gloria threw her hands up in dismissal. She angled herself away, facing the stalls, and crossed her arms tightly over her chest to keep from strangling Aleida as she began to walk away.

Catching a murder rap was the last thing she wanted.

"This is wrong, Aleida,"

"We're all fucking wrong, Gloria," Aleida told her monotonously as she headed out of the bathroom. "We're in fucking prison."

…

"Gloria…" her name was a mere whisper on Red's tongue.

Red wanted to say something… anything… but Gloria's body, the heat of her breath as it ghosted on her cheek, rendered her still.

"Mmmm?" Gloria moaned in response. She nuzzled her nose against Reds, her eyes falling closed as she did so.

"We can't," Red whispered. But even as the words slipped from her mouth, her hands were grasping around the sides of Gloria's waist.

"We can..." Gloria promised against her mouth. Her hand played through the tresses of her soft, red hair, twisting it as she slowly ghosted her lips over Red's mouth.

It was the faintest of kisses, so light and delicate, that in order for her to feel it, Red knew that she would really have to focus. She released a shuddering breath.

"Kiss me again," she pleaded.

"Yea?" Gloria asked. She wanted this more than anything… but she didn't want to push.

When no resistance came, Gloria brushed her lips over Red's again. But this time, the older woman was ready and willing, and she responded in kind. She clutched her tightly, growling low in the back of her throat and trying desperately to take control of the kiss, but once she realized what she was doing, Gloria wouldn't give an inch.

They tumbled together, hands greedily searching and feeling for all of that they could. Neither cared that Red was pinned beneath her on the desk. They didn't care that they were crushed together in the small little office, with nowhere to really move. They just wanted to feel, taste and explore all that they could.

Gloria trailed a fiery line of kisses down Red's throat, pausing to suckle a vulnerable spot behind her ear and nip the edge of her jaw.

Red trembled, realizing that she was helpless to stop the onslaught of pleasure. Even the prospect of getting caught couldn't turn things around now.

"I want you," Gloria murmured.

Red growled in response. She knew that Gloria had absolutely no idea just how much the sound of her voice affected her. She caught her lips in another kiss, enjoying the taste that was uniquely hers. She tasted sweet, like honey.

Her arms wrapped tightly around Gloria's neck, fingers gliding over the material of her top. Since she didn't have bed sheets to clutch, this was the next best thing. Hooking one leg around Gloria's calf, she pulled her closer, increasing the pressure from where her thigh lay between her legs.

"Do you want me?" Gloria asked breathlessly against her mouth. She was panting hard, her chest rising and falling heavily.

"Very much," Red answered. she nibbled at the corner of Gloria's mouth, tugging on her lower lip. Kissing Gloria Mendoza had to be the most wonderful thing she had ever done.

Time was not their friend… if they were going to do this, they were going to do it now. Gloria's hand slid beneath the waistband of her beige uniform, and she moaned against her as her fingers went to work—stroking and loving her over the fabric of her underwear.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Fuck," Gloria murmured as she slipped questing fingers under the thin barrier to dip into slick, wet, heat.

Red gasped, her eyelids lowering as Gloria stroked her, gliding over wet, yielding flesh with long, languorous strokes that made her head spin.

"Jesus," she gasped, her hips bucking against the teasing stimulation. She was helpless to resist.

"So gorgeous," Gloria murmured, kissing along the slender column of Red's throat, her fingers circling, circling, circling Red's tip without – quite – giving her relief. "I can't get enough of you."

Red's pelvis continued rocking against Gloria 's hand. The vibrations of Gloria 's voice against her skin were driving her wild. She braced herself against her desk, clutching at the edge with the white fingers of her hands.

She couldn't ignore the steadily stroking hand between her legs. "Fuck," she moaned softly as she felt the brunette nip at her neck.

"That's it," Gloria murmured, tightening the circular motion of her fingers against the redhead's point and pressing more firmly onto the sensitive bundle of nerves beginning to pulse under her fingertips. "God, you're beautiful," she murmured as she began to trail her kisses back up Red's neck.

"Gloria!" Red gasped, her hips bucking hard as the touch against her sped up. She wanted to give herself over to the sensations Gloria's knowing touch was eliciting within her, she wanted to close her eyes and surrender to her rapidly growing need, but she couldn't. She wanted this to last as long as it could.

It had never felt like this before.

Gloria could tell by the tightening of Red's jaw that she was close, so close to falling over the edge.

"Come," she encouraged.

Red groaned and gritted her teeth, stars flashing in front of her eyes from the firmer touch. "Fuck," she muttered as her orgasm ripped through her.

Gloria gasped in surprise, a growl vibrating in the back of her throat as Red continued to rock against her hand, riding the waves of bliss as her lower half continued to spasm in ecstasy.

Chest heaving, heart slamming, Red felt herself go limp as her body calmed, delicious shocks still coursing through her. A happy and very satisfied smile pulled across her lips, as her eyes began to flutter. She wanted nothing more than to see the proud and beaming look she knew that Gloria would have written across her face.

And, hell, she deserved it. She couldn't remember the last time she had ever felt so loved, or so desirable. She wanted to bask in that moment with her… perhaps even return the favor.

Just the thought of touching Gloria in such a manner had her growling excitedly, need and want coiling tightly in her lower belly. So, imagine her surprised when her eyes did finally focus.

There were no beautiful brown eyes staring into her own.

There was no warm and curvaceous weight pinning her in place.

There was only darkness… and Piper.

"Fucking… Shit," she mumbled, pushing herself hurriedly into a sitting position, her own blue eyes locking with Pipers.

"Are you okay, Red?" The young woman asked concernedly, propping herself up on her elbow.

Red felt the rush of her warm arousal against her thighs and she pushed the blankets off, her hand immediately going between her legs to touch it for herself.

"Jesus Christ," She whispered breathlessly. It was warm and sticky against her fingertips and she immediately squeezed her thighs together. She had never been this wet before… she'd never come quite that… easily before. She had never come in her sleep before.

The thought of it alone sent another rush straight to her throbbing center.

"You need some water or something?" Piper yawned.

Something, Red thought. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She'd never been so grateful for the pitch-black darkness that blanketed their dorm, as she was in this moment.

"Have you been awake long?" Red asked tensely. She pulled her blankets back up around her smoothed them down awkwardly.

"No," Piper said sleepily as she adjusted on her bunk. "I thought I felt Alex…" she whispered. "Things have been so weird between us. I miss her sometimes, you know." 

Red exhaled a breath. "So, I didn't wake you then?"

"No."

Red nodded to herself, her eyes falling closed in relief. She tucked her hair behind her ears. Laying back down she tried to put what had just happened out of her mind, but it was no use.

God, what had gotten into her? She'd never been like this before. She had never thought this way about anyone before… least of all a woman. Least of all Gloria! Where was this coming from? What was with her tonight? She shivered and pulled the blanket up to her chin. She had never thought she needed a cold shower more in her entire life than she did at this moment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you, Minerva, for helping me with this chapter.

Scene: This picks up the next morning, S3E13, and I will stretch this episode into the next 4 chapters (which in their world is going to be over the course of two or three weeks) give or take.

-07-

Sitting at her desk, Red was all smiles as she applied her makeup. She felt the most relaxed she'd felt in weeks, at least, if the glow on her face was any indication. Holding her mirror high above her head, she changed the angle she was sitting, working to catch the gleaming light of the sun. She purred, the sound vibrating in the back of her throat, as she admired her work. Her signature double-winged eyeliner—a masterpiece.

"You seem happy," Piper greeted her cheerily. She was bent over at the waist, towel drying her hair

Red cut her eyes to her curiously before focusing them back on her mirror. She picked up her lipstick and popped off the cap. She twisted the tube and applied it in an even stroke over her lips. She batted her eyelashes at her reflection playfully.

"Aren't I normally happy?" She asked as she smacked her lips together. She drew her index finger along the corners of her mouth, cleaning up any imperfections.

"Normally?" Piper questioned, cheekily. "No, not normally, at least… not since Nicky left." She sighed wistfully, seating herself on the edge of her bunk.

"She didn't leave," Red pointed a finger at Piper warningly. "She was taken from me." Sighing, she set down her mirror and began to put away her cosmetics.

Touching the brush, she'd taken from Nicky's cube after her move to max, she stroked its bristles longingly. So many times, over the last few weeks, she wished she'd been able to talk to her. No one really got her the way Nicky did. There was chemistry pure in nature between them, one that Red would cherish until her dying day. While Nicky's absence had left a gaping hole in all their hearts, there was no one who ached for her in the same manner that she did. There was just no way that they possibly could.

Piper watched her curiously. "Then what's with the happy face?" She asked.

"I slept well," Red answered. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. Well was an understatement. She couldn't remember the last time she had ever felt so relaxed and at ease. Even the tension in her back was at a blessed minimal.

She tried to not to think about the details of her dream. About Gloria. Her body. Her crushing weight, pinning her against the desk. Her lips, nipping and sucking, deliciously at the pulse point in her neck, or the way they felt on hers; her breath ghosting over her cheek and ear as she whispered and coached her over the edge. It had all felt so real and so good. Just thinking about her now caused Red's skin to flare to life, and she palpated her cheeks, desperate to regain her bearings.

"Are your sons coming to see you this weekend?" Piper asked, her voice breaking through Red's train of thought. "It's been a while."

"You sure are very interested in my life these days," Red told her as she stood up.

Piper shrugged. "We're business partners now," she said. "I feel like I should know my employees. We should be able to talk. I want this to be a positive work environment," she told her seriously. "I need to know that I can trust my people."

"Your people?" Red sighed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. The novelty of her lingering afterglow was wearing, and if she wanted any chance of making it last, she would need to get as far away from Piper as she could.

She grabbed her smock from the hook behind her and began to make her exit from their cube. "Oh," she said turning around, holding her perfectly manicured index finger in the air. "And just so we're clear, I'm not your employee."

"I'm giving you a cut of my profits," Piper argued. Her voice was as annoying as it was sweet.

Red arched her brow, the corner of her lips tugging into a smirk. "You're paying for a service. My advice. Nothing more."

"Well," Piper licked her lips. "I think we have a rat."

"You mean, you have a rat," Red clarified.

"Either way, I don't know what to do." Piper began to comb her brush through her damp hair. "Can you help me?"

"Who is it?" Red asked with a frown.

"For your safety, I think confidentiality is best."

Red blinked at her slowly, working to digest just how bold, if not stupid, Piper was slowly becoming. The thrilling effects of her afterglow were diminishing by the second.

"Well, whoever it is, confrontation is always the best approach," Red told her finally. "As long as you come with all your facts."

"I need to send a message," Piper told her passionately, hands on her hips. "I am a force to reckoned with." She got a whimsical, faraway look in her eye.

"Yea, you're real scary." Red rolled her eyes. "Do your due diligence. Cover your basis, get your facts straight, and then we'll talk." She walked away without another word. Piper was a lot of things, complicated, for one, resilient, for another. She often wasn't sure what to think about her, but sometimes, she seemed like more trouble than she was worth.

…

Gloria was at the sink, washing her hands when she felt a figure approach her suddenly. Looking over her shoulder, she rolled her eyes at the sight of Aleida. Things had been incredibly tense between them all morning, neither saying a word to the other as they prepared breakfast.

It hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone else, either. As the elders of their screwed-up litter, they set the tone. Maritza and Flores had wordlessly run the line, and Ruiz had been more cooperative than she usually was, which in itself was a miracle.

"Are you still not talking to me?" Aleida asked Gloria quietly.

Gloria shut off the water, wiping her hands down the front of her smock. "Let's start preparing lunch," her tone was tense and short.

Lunch wasn't a huge task, and hardly required much effort, but the sooner they prepared it, the more time she would have to hide away and wallow in her misery. Perhaps even take a nap.

"You look like shit," Aleida told her as she grabbed a knife and pan from the rack

Glaring at her, Gloria grabbed the bags of food and two pairs of gloves. "I didn't get much sleep last night," she said handing Aleida a pair of gloves. She kept her eyes focused downward as she put her own pair on.

After their altercation, when she had finally retired to her own bunk, Gloria had laid awake for hours just staring at the ceiling. No matter what she did, or how many sheep she counted, or how many prayers she prayed, she just hadn't been able to get herself to the point of surrender. She was riddled with guilt, and her brain felt scrambled trying to come up with a plan to fix everything.

She could feel Aleida's eyes on her, but she tried to ignore the concern and worry that was floating around in them. She was still pissed, and she wanted to remain that way. Mindlessly she went through the motions and held up a bag so that Aleida could gut it and drain it into the pan below.

"Fuck!" Both women exclaimed simultaneously as the bagged meal spilled out all over the floor.

Gloria gritted her teeth, she felt on the verge of tears. This was the cherry on top of her proverbial shit-cake and the irony that their lunch resembled literal shit did nothing to assuage her growing rage and frustrations. She could feel her internal organs boiling, her blood was so hot.

"Well, can't make it worse," Red's accent, thick and thunderous, camouflaged the joke in its entirety.

"Seriously?" Gloria shouted at her. She was in such a fury, she didn't realize just how thick and thunderous her own words were.

She didn't notice the brief flicker of confusion that pulled across Red's face or even how Aleida was looking at her. "You feed people food from the fucking floor like we're animals? Maybe we should all get down on our knees and lick it up!"

"Ah, ah, ah," Red consoled her mockingly as she held up a hand. "I'm kidding. They doubled our order of slop this month we can cover it… what's gotten into you?" She asked, placing her hand on her hip.

She'd known Gloria to be a drama queen. She had seen her work when she'd brilliantly overreacted the day she quit the kitchen. It was one of her most favorite Gloria moments to ever witness. And though she was surprised to see her in such a state now, Red wouldn't deny the fact that she was amused by her, if not a little intrigued.

"It's not your problem," Gloria told her gruffly.

"She's got man troubles," Aleida replied with a smirk. She with both immune and unapologetic to her friend's distress.

"Why didn't you say so?" Red asked jovially.

She knew it was wrong, she there was a possibility it wouldn't be well received but she couldn't resist. Her own need to subconsciously test the waters and get Gloria to lighten the fuck up wouldn't be quelled otherwise. She pulled a large cucumber from the vegetable tray she'd been carrying and waved it teasingly in front of Gloria's face.

"Don't give it back when you're done."

"Not that kind of man," Aleida told her with a smirk as Gloria rolled her eyes in irritation.

"What other kind is there?" Red asked automatically, her brows furrowed in confusion.

Her experience had been very limited, but she was sure that the only man-troubles that one could have involved the kind with a dick. She placed the cucumber back down and her eyes widened.

"Oh," her voice took on a certain tone. It was as if she were having an Ah-Ha moment straight from God himself. She pulled out an onion and offered it.

If eyes were like daggers, and looks could kill, Gloria was sure she would have ended the woman right then and there. She felt as if her very eyes were going to pop out of her head and that she was going to explode into 101 pieces, like some kind of fucked up, angry jigsaw puzzle.

"The kind with tits," Aleida interjected, pulling at the material of her top just above her own breasts. The last thing she wanted to see was another vegetable. Whatever kinky shit, the old bat thought of in her own, time was nothing she wanted any part of.

Red sighed, her eyes softening at once. "Bursett…" Sophia's last name was gentle on her tongue. "They took her to seg."

She watched as Gloria's eyes fell and her heart ached for her greatly. She felt a flush of guilt rush through her veins. Though her own haze, she could just barely make out the sounds of Gloria and Aleida arguing.

"You two need to clean this up," she said sternly, hoping to break the tension before she needed to break up a fight. Gloria getting her ass sent to SHU because she couldn't control her anger wouldn't do anyone any good.

"I'll get the mop." Aleida was hardly fazed. She stood by everything she said, and even If Gloria didn't want to admit it, she'd done her part. There was no going back.

"Gloria," Red said gently, beckoning her to focus before she did something stupid. "Sometimes there's a mess... it happens."

As Aleida came by with the mop, Gloria moved away from her. She pulled off her gloves as she walked passed the trashcan and angrily began to untie her apron. Entering the office, she pulled it off over her head and threw it down roughly on the desk.

She'd only just sat down in the chair when she felt Red's presence join her. She moved her hand to her head and slowly pushed off the white hair cap she wore. She ran her fingers through the dark brown tresses, groaning at how greasy and unkept her hair felt. She wasn't running things anymore and it still smelt like fucking canola oil. No matter what she did, she couldn't catch a fucking break.

"Look, if you need to take lunch off or something," Red told her gently, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Call your kids…"

"My kids don't want to talk to me, Red," Gloria told her miserably, ignoring the warmth from her touch. "They say it, they don't say it… either way, the message is pretty fucking clear."

"Gloria-" Red's fingers tightened around her and she made a gentle stroking motion with her thumb.

Exhaling a breath of frustration, Gloria shrugged her hand away and stood up from the chair. She wasn't in the mood for this. She didn't want to hear that she just needed to stick it out, and fight, and be there for them and that they'd come around. She didn't want to be pacified and told that Sophia going to SHU wasn't her fault.

"I'm miserable, Red," Gloria told her sadly. "I just want to be miserable, okay. So, please… just leave me alone."

Red nodded her head in understanding, watching sadly as Gloria made her exit from the room. As much as she wanted to go after her, she knew that Gloria's plea wasn't one that she could ignore. There had been a lot of trust earned the last couple of weeks, the two of them sharing parts of themselves that they never would have months ago. It was a friendship she didn't want to risk losing. She'd wait for Gloria to come to her… no matter how long that took.

…

A few days later

But by the time Saturday came, Red had never felt so grateful for a reprieve from the kitchen or from Gloria.

For days, she'd been in a constant state of unease, walking on eggshells as to not disrupt the tension and silence that had made a home between them.

Gloria was a first-class act and a real pain in the ass. Her mood was like the weather, it affected everything and everyone around her, which made Red's job a hundred times harder than it needed to be.

She had lost count of how many times, exactly, that she'd had to separate Gloria from Aleida or from Maria. It reminded her of her life before prison, when she used to have to wrangle her sons into submission and beat them into playing nice with one another. Now, instead of rowdy boys, it was grown women.

"I'm not a child," Gloria had complained to her that morning as she followed her into their shared office.

"Funny," Red said dryly, pointing to the chair. She waited until Gloria was seated before she continued.

"Because I'm quite literally putting you in time out." She glared down at her from where she leaned against the door frame, her arms crossed over her chest. "What in the hell has gotten into you?"

"Nothing," Gloria answered her tensely, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh really? Nothing?" Red mocked her. "Because you're a raging bitch from hell these days."

Gloria glared at her, huffing a breath of frustration.

"I don't know if you know this, Gloria, but you can't keep picking fights with your girls. At least not in my kitchen. How is anyone going to get any work done?" She asked.

Gloria still refused to look at her. She kept her eyes focused down on her feet, which were helping to sway her back and forth in her seat.

"Look, I know you're upset," Red said sympathetically. "I know you feel guilty about the way things went down between you and Sophia, and you know what," the words were like silk on her tongue. "You should."

"Hey!" Gloria objected.

"The way you and Sophia went back and forth… you, threatening her with a knife, letting Aleida take control of the reigns… come on, Gloria," she chastised. "We both knew that wasn't going to end well."

But even as she had said the words, Red couldn't make herself believe them. The look of hurt that fluttered across Gloria's face tugged at her heart, but the last time she'd tried to play nice Gloria had practically bit her head off.

"She took my son from me," Gloria told her stubbornly. "And she didn't even have the full story, she just assumed the worst of him, how is that fair?"

"Oh, so you're saying you agree with Aleida now? That she got what she deserved."

"No!" Gloria exclaimed passionately.

"Okay then, what are you saying?"

Gloria bit the inside of her cheek as she rolled her eyes. She didn't have a leg to stand on and she knew that. She also knew her behavior the last couple of days had been extreme, even for her

"You're worse than Nicky, you know that?"

"Yea, well, Nicky's a saint."

Even though she had found no part of their conversation funny, Red couldn't help but smile now as she walked down the long hallways toward the visitation room. She wondered if, in the back of her mind, Gloria saw any irony in her behavior, and to the accusations that Sophia had made, implying that her son was as much trouble as she was.

Perhaps not, she thought. The woman was a wonderful mess of contradictions.

As Red approached the visitation room and caught sight of her two handsome sons, Vasily and Yuri, Gloria and her own troubled off-spring, fell to the far recesses of her mind. She'd given a lot of time to her the last couple of weeks, and even more so the last couple of days, but now she had to focus on what was right in front of her. Her children and where her relationship stood with them was just as important.

Walking into the room, she could feel her heart melt at the look of adoration that pulled over her son's features. Despite their differences and their disagreements, there was no doubt in her mind that she was loved.

"Hi, honey," she greeted Vasily lovingly as they embraced. She squeezed him tightly. It felt so good to him again.

Sometimes, her children felt like distant memories—figments of her imagination. Tilting her head back so that she could look up and inhale the sweet scent of his hair, he became all the more tangible. It was the one part of him that would always smell like him and she murmured a small note of contentment. It felt as if she were holding her little boy again, and if she tried hard enough she could almost… almost convince herself they were a place far, far away.

"It's so good to see you, Ma," Vasily kissed her cheek affectionately, pulling her back to the present. "You look great," he told her as they parted, his hand lightly playing with the ends of her hair.

"I always look great," she winked at him, turning her attention to Yuri. "Well… except for that one time."

"You clean up good, son," she told Yuri, rubbing her hands up and down the length of his back as they embraced. She grunted as he squeezed his massive arms around her in return. He was much taller than she was, and the scent that lingered on him was of stale cigarette and cheap cologne.

As they parted, she took her seat across from them and held both of her hands out for each of them to take. Their hands were larger than her own and calloused over from work. She exhaled a breath, her fingers clutching around theirs. She remembered when their tiny hands used to clutch around her one finger, and now it was her who was clinging to them. There was just never enough time and she wanted to soak everything in that she could and memorize everything about them. With each season that passed brought a new change, and she always clung on for the subtle things that had stayed the same.

"I missed you boys," she told them sincerely.

"We missed you, Ma," Vasily told her.

She looked to her oldest child, her brow raised in expectation. "What about you?" She asked stubbornly. "Did you miss me?"

"Ma, you know I did," Yuri whispered.

She sighed. Like Gloria, she had a troublemaker of her own. Yuri was her spitting image in everyway that counted, especially in attitude. She knew the silent treatment she'd prescribed after she'd found out about the closing of her store, had bruised his ego, but it wasn't any excuse for forwarding her calls.

"You haven't bothered to pick up your phone," she told him evenly.

She could feel Vasily smirk without even looking at him, and she quickly cut him a glare to sober up. She hadn't been wrong when she dubbed him and Nicky trouble twins. He was as much a pain in her ass as she was. There was no doubt in her mind that they would have gotten along just fine.

"I'm sorry, Ma," Yuri apologized to her guiltily. He held her hand in both of his. "Things have just been busy, you know."

"Oh, yes," she said evenly, her eyes searching his. "You're a proud Papa now. How is your wife?" She asked him pleasantly. "The kids? You haven't sent pictures in a while."

Yuri smiled at her. "They're good, getting big and growing like weeds." He squeezed her hand. "Alina's birthday is next month, she'll be seven."

"Alina," she repeated her eldest grandchild's name. A genuine smile pulled across her lips as every syllable rolled off her tongue. The precious girl had been given a variation of her name, and while she felt honored, she equally felt heartbroken for the fact that she had never met her.

In fact, she'd never met any of her grandchildren. Collectively, they had decided that prison was no place to make those introductions. She'd be out soon, and after so many years where she wasn't in the picture, it wasn't going to break them to hold off a little while longer.

"Are you going to do anything to celebrate?" She asked gently. The weight of everything she had ever missed and would continue to miss until her release, always hit her hardest on visitation days.

Suddenly, Yuri looked more than a little uncomfortable. His hand twitched in his mother's grasp and he cleared his throat before answering. "I think she's decided to have a party at the skating rink," he told her.

"Oh, that sounds lovely," Red beamed. "When you boys were growing up, we were down at the outdoor rink nearly every night in the winter. Do you remember?"

"Of course," Vasily smiled. "That was always fun. Maxsim was never very skilled at it though." He laughed.

Red laughed along, shaking her head as the very memory played before her eyes. "He had your father's coordination, I'm afraid." Then suddenly she looked melancholy and sighed. "How is Maxsim doing? I haven't been able to get him to pick up the phone either."

"He's fine, Ma," Vasily said quietly. "He's working hard, that's probably why he hasn't been available to talk lately…."

Red could hear the skepticism and excuse in her son's tone. She had no doubt Maxsim had been busy with work. All her boys were hard workers like she had raised them to be. It was just that picking up a phone once in a while or writing a letter to your mother was hardly impossible to find time for if it was something you cared to do. It was a reminder that there was still much healing to be done and that her choice to distance from the entire family when she filed to divorce Dmitri, really had hurt them all.

She forced herself to focus back on the present. On the two sons who had made the effort to drive out to see her. That was a blessing she never took for granted. It made her happy that her granddaughter celebrating her birthday with an activity Red had enjoyed since she'd been a little girl herself. It was nice to think that there might be things to connect her with her granddaughter, even if they'd never actually met.

"Does Alina skate often?" she asked.

"Yeah," Yuri replied, offering her a small flash of his crooked smile. "Zoya signed her up for figure skating lessons."

She smiled. "Is she any good?"

"I think so," Yuri mumbled. "Or she better be by the end of the season considering how much it cost just to enroll her. Zoya wanted almost double last month for what I usually give her in support, just so she could afford the lessons."

His hand twitched again and this time he pulled back from his mother and began drumming his fingers against the table-top. He and his wife had split a few weeks before Christmas last year. Zoya had moved to Sheepshead Bay to stay with her parents, and Yuri's contact with his children had been quite limited ever since.

Red leaned forward in her chair, a subconscious movement expressing her desire for closeness. Her left hand was still reached out to meet Vasily's in the middle and she squeezed it comfortingly, while her eyes scrutinized her oldest son.

"Are you going to her birthday party?" She asked softly. She knew about the many problems in his marriage, but divorced or not, he had a responsibility to his children.

"I don't know, Ma," Yuri sighed. He rubbed his hand over his face and then pinched the bridge of his nose. "If I'm wanted…"

"What do you mean if you're wanted?" Red asked sharply, her eyes narrowing. "You're her father. Of course, she wants you and you have every right to be there."

"Not Alina, Ma," Yuri shook her head. "It's Zoya and having to face her whole family who will be there judging me. I'm not sure I'm up to facing all of that alone."

"Take your brother with you," Red replied, shooting Vasily a stern look. "What are you doing that day, that is so important you can't go to your niece's birthday party?"

"Nothing, Ma," Vasily chuckled, giving his brother a small wink. "I was just waiting for my invitation. Of course, we'd all go."

"See?" Red said to Yuri. There was absolutely no way in hell she'd allow him to be a flake. She didn't care what hell Zoya put him through. Alina would have plenty of chances to be disappointed by men, but that disappointment would not begin with her own father.

Yuri sighed. "You've just got the answers to everything, but you don't really know what all has been going on out here because it's hard to put into words when you're not around to see for yourself."

"I wish I could be," Red said quietly, bowing her head and averting her eyes. "I'd have loved to make her a cake and celebrate with her. I'm not able to, but you know more than anything I wish I could… right?"

She watched as his nose twitched, his posturing stiffening up at her words. He seemed to take her absence the hardest, the most resentful that she wasn't around to do the things she was supposed to.

His kids were the oldest. Alina, followed by her little brother, Levi, but they were such a mystery, and for all the years she'd been with her son, Zoya was still basically a stranger, and her separation from Yuri had only made Red feel more disengaged from that part of her family.

She couldn't help but wonder if her being out could have rectified the situation at all. Maybe there was nothing she could have done to help Yuri and Zoya, but at least she'd have been able to support her son and encourage him to be an active participant in his children's lives. She'd have loved to help care for them on weekends when they came to spend time with their father. Being an involved mother and grandmother was all she had ever really cared about being.

However, that wasn't the hand they'd been dealt, and she had to make do with what she could. Lida and Vasily seemed the most inclined of anyone to help her achieve that. They sent her pictures and regular updates of their children, Koyla and Oksanna. Though she had never thought she'd enjoy Lida talking to her about baby shit and spit up, she had learned to make the most out of the small moments, because in this hell hole, it was the only way anyone could survive another day.


	8. Chapter 8

-08-

Looking over her reading glasses to find Lorna standing awkwardly in the entryway of her cube, Red smiled at her gently. Closing her book, she pushed herself into an upright sitting position. "Did you need something, honey?" She asked.

"Do you have a minute to talk, Red?" Lorna asked her quietly.

"I always have a minute for you," Red reassured her. She laid her book on the locker behind her and drew her legs up so that Lorna could sit comfortably on the foot of her bed. "What's on your mind?" She asked. "Is this about your pen pals?"

"Once you weed out the weirdos, it's not that bad," Lorna told her honestly. Sitting down at the foot of the bed she tucked her left leg beneath her right.

"Well, if there's anything Piper's business has taught me, it's that there's a lot of sick people in the world, Lorna. I hope you're being careful and not giving away too much about yourself. There's a lot of people who would take advantage of that, and I wouldn't want that for you."

"Thank you, Red. It always feels so good to hear how much you love us. Me especially, I know Nicky was always more your girl than anyone."

"I love you all equally, you know that." Even as Red said the words, she knew that Lorna knew better. She did love them all, but it was hardly equal. Nicky had been by her side for so long, and they'd been through so much together, it still felt so foreign to be without her.

"Well, that's good because there is something important, I want to talk to you about, and I don't want you to freak out on me." Sitting up a little straighter, Lorna clasped her hands together and exhaled a deep breath. At the worried look in Red's eyes, she apologized, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a little nervous. I didn't expect this to be so hard." Dragging her moist tongue across her bottom lip, Lorna wrung her hands together. "I'm getting married."

Red could only stare at her, the smile that had been on her face moments earlier, slowly melting away until her lips were pressed together in a thin line. "Married? Lorna…" she whispered, shaking her head no, as confusion etched its way into every line on her face. Suddenly, it felt as if everything in the universe had come to a halt.

"I know… I know," Lorna grinned. "It's sudden and it sounds crazy. I didn't think this would ever happen… and especially not so soon, but Red, I am in love. If you met him, you would totally understand. You would fall for him the very same way that I have."

Red opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it when nothing came out. She was at an utter and complete loss for words. How many times had Nicky tried to get this crazy woman to commit to her? Lorna had always resisted. Nicky had never been good enough for her, but now, because of a few letters, she was ready to marry a man she hardly knew?

"Sweetheart," Red reached for her hand and squeezed it as hard as she could, digging her nails into her. "Lorna, you barely know this man."

"I love him, Red."

"You don't even know him!" Red exclaimed.

"I know the feeling in my heart!" Lorna shook free of the vice grip Red had her in and touched it to the beating pulse atop her left breast. "I know that this is the right thing to do and I know it may sound crazy, Red, but I love hard. I've never been so sure about anything in my life. Don't you want to see me happy, Red?"

"Of course, I do, Lorna, but what about Nicky? This will crush her, Lorna." Red could feel her eyes burn hot with tears. She didn't know if Nicky was ever going to come back, or if she'd ever see her again. Healy was set in his way about letting the past be the past. He hadn't made any effort in getting her an update, and she was sure he never would.

"I've been thinking a lot about Nicky," Lorna admitted, breaking through the older woman's train of thought. "I know she loves me, and I love her. I always will. Nicky has always looked out for me, and that's why I know she would want you to stand at my side when I marry Vinny."

Red rubbed her hand over her mouth to keep from saying something she'd regret. She couldn't even begin to imagine what Nicky's reaction would be if she ever returned, but one thing Red knew for certain, was that she didn't want to hurt her. It was one thing for your girlfriend to run off and marry someone else, but it was quite another for your mother to be in attendance and damn near give her away. That was a betrayal you couldn't come back from.

"Do you think Nicky would be happy for me, Red?"

Red gritted her teeth, her jaw locking tightly in place. "I think Nicky would be heartbroken," she told her honestly. "I mean, is this really what you want to do, Lorna? What if she comes back and you two can work things out. Don't you want to give yourselves that chance?"

"Maybe you can wait for her forever, Red," Lorna told her sadly as she rose to her feet. "But I can't, and I deserve to be happy."

"Yes," Red nodded. "You do, Lorna, but I… I just can't."

"You don't have to answer me today, Red," Lorna told her as she rose to her feet. "Just promise me you'll think about it."

…

Torn between her love for Lorna and her loyalty for Nicky, Red was unable to make herself focus on anything else. On one hand, Lorna was right. She couldn't wait for Nicky forever, and she shouldn't have to. She deserved to move on and be happy, and Red wanted that so much for her. On the other hand, Red felt a dire and primal need to protect Nicky. She didn't understand how Lorna could think marrying a man she hardly knew was a good idea.

As she walked through the double doors leading to the cafeteria, she felt an immediate sense of ease. Though she had lately come to loathe work, today she relished it. She needed something to distract her from Lorna's request, even if that distraction only came in the form of milking their bagged lunch into trays. Walking past the serving station, she was pleasantly surprised to find Gloria sitting atop the counter, brows knitted together in concentration as she flipped through a magazine.

"Hey, you," Red greeted her as she swatted her knees. "Who told you that you could sit up here?"

"Jesus, Red," Gloria exclaimed in a panic as she quickly untucked her legs from the crisscross position she'd been sitting in so that they dangled over the countertop. "What are you doing sneaking up on people like a damn cat? Maybe I should get you a little bell or something."

"Igh," Red scoffed, scrunching her nose. "Never much cared for those egotistical little creatures."

"What could you possibly have against cats?" Gloria asked. "They're cute, they're fluffy, they mind their own business. They're the perfect animal."

"Now you sound like my son, Maxsim. He used to try to convince me to let him adopt the stray litter that hung out behind our store. I once caught him feeding them and then the next thing I know there was like thirty alley cats out there, begging for scraps every time I went to throw out the trash."

"My boys used to chase lizards," Gloria told her as she mindlessly flipped the page in her magazine. Her eyes scanned over the page in intense concentration. "I caught them one time playing with a dead snake."

"A snake?" Red questioned. "Why in the world would they do a thing like that?"

"Because my boys are gross," Gloria admitted with a laugh.

Red leaned against the counter on her elbows. "I think that's all boys. You'd have thought mine were being raised by wild animals."

"Well, my girls weren't any better," Gloria confessed. "At least attitude wise. They were sassy and always questioning what I said and why. I always thought they'd grow up to be wonderful lawyers."

"Oh, no!" Red exclaimed sarcastically. "I wonder where on earth they would have got an attitude like that from." She smiled at the guilty smirk that pulled across Gloria's lips and gently took the magazine from her hands. "Why are you reading this trash anyway? You couldn't find a novel or something to occupy your time with? I think you'd get a lot more out of it."

"Well," Gloria shrugged, plucking the magazine back from her hands. "What can I say? We all have our guilty pleasures. I really just like looking at the shoes… and the clothes, and the purses." Flipping straight to a page she had earmarked, she pointed to a cheetah printed pair of stilettos heels. "Aren't these to die for?" She asked excitedly. "I'd probably break my neck trying to walk in them, but they'd be so beautiful to look at."

"You buy shoes just, so you can look at them?" Red questioned, her brow arched high in disbelief. "Who the hell does that?"

"I don't buy anything," Gloria said distractedly as she flipped to another page. "I'm in prison. Besides, I'd never be able to afford this kind of stuff. I just like to look and pretend," she admitted wistfully. "I was always too worried about keeping a roof over our heads and deciding what was going to get paid between the water and the electric, to ever buy anything for myself."

Raising her brow in surprise, Red shifted her eyes up to watch Gloria's expression. Still focused on her magazine, she didn't seem overly embarrassed by her own revelation. It wasn't anything unique, in fact, quite the opposite. A hard life was a common denominator amongst the women, some just had it a hell of a lot harder than others.

"What are you in here for, Gloria?"

The younger woman smiled, eyes still focused on the pages in her magazine. "Wouldn't you like to know, Red?" She teased. "What are you in here for?"

Bumping her knees with her elbow, Red squinted her eyes at Gloria in pure concentration. "I asked you first." She couldn't imagine Gloria having committed a violent act when she could barely handle the guilt of feeling responsible for Sophia being moved to SHU. She could still remember when Gloria had arrived at Litchfield nearly ten years ago. They hadn't become friends until recently and had hardly ever had a conversation until Gloria had taken command of the kitchen, but she didn't think she'd ever struggled with addiction.

"It's a long story," Gloria told her. Closing the magazine, she tossed it carelessly beside her and slid off the counter so that her feet her flat on the ground. "I needed to get out of a bad situation, but I didn't have the money-"

"You robbed a bank?" Red hissed, her eyes widening in surprise. "I never would have guessed."

"No, I didn't rob a bank, you crazy, old bat! Why would I do a stupid thing like that?" Gloria asked as she gathered the lunch from the freezer. Placing the bags on the counter she turned back to face Red, hand on her hip. "I robbed the government… technically."

Standing up straight, Red's eyes wide with surprise, she could hardly keep the grin off her face. "Gloria," she shook her head in disbelief. "How in the hell did you manage to pull that off?"

"Well, I didn't Red," Gloria smirked. "I'm here." She walked over to the tray wrack and grabbed two large pans. "I used to own a bodega in the Bronx," she explained. "I was having a hard time making ends meet and was dating this guy… it doesn't really matter," she whispered. "Anyway, I would take food stamps and let the customers buy beer or cigarettes for the remainder of the money and charge the rest of the card toward other things in the store."

Red's eyes softened in understanding. Grabbing a knife from the box, she joined Gloria in emptying the bags into the pans. "The guy you were seeing, did he… get you started on this?" She watched Gloria's face for a reaction. "I had no idea that you had a business," she told her gently when she got no answer. "I know how hard it can be, but to get up and running in the first place is a huge accomplishment. The store I owned with my husband was almost at risk of closing every week… I can't imagine you'd just risk that, Gloria."

"He didn't… encourage me," Gloria admitted as she threw the bags away. "He didn't even know."

"He was the bad situation you were trying to get away from," Red concluded. She shook her head sadly, resisting the urge to pry any further. She enjoyed when Gloria spoke honestly and openly with her. Aside from Freida, Gloria was really the only friend she had these days, especially now that Norma was a cult leader. She still didn't quite understand how that had happened, but she was grateful for the normalcy that Gloria provided her with. It was a welcome change from always having to be a mom and focus on everyone else's problems.

"So, what about you?" Gloria asked as she directed the conversation away from herself. "How in the hell did you end up in here? Wife, mother, you seem to have had a lot more stability then I had. Your family comes and sees you, while I have to practically beg my kids to answer the phone."

"I guess it wasn't all bad, but my marriage was hardly something to get excited over."

"I thought you said the two of you had a comfortable life?" Gloria questioned her. "Most people enjoy comfortable."

"They enjoy the security," Red told her honesty. "I know I did, and that is where you get comfortable. Sometimes being complacent isn't always good, though. I think about if Dmitri and I had divorced years ago, where I would be."

"Maybe not in prison," Gloria answered.

"Definitely not in prison." Red couldn't help but grind her teeth. "Dmitri made friends with some very bad people and I didn't get along with the wife."

"No surprise there," Gloria smirked. "You're a pain in the ass."

"It really wasn't my fault," Red exclaimed thickly. She rinsed the knife off in the sink, angling its blade toward the light and watching as its reflection bounced off. "She was impossible to please, more so than you."

Gloria frowned. "I'm not that bad," she objected. "I hid your contraband last fall, didn't I? If anything, I would say I'm incredibly generous." She walked around to place the trays into the serving station and returned a few minutes later. "So, then what happened?" She asked.

"I popped her breast implant…" Red admitted guiltily.

"Jesus Christ, Red," Gloria exclaimed. "How the hell did you do that?" She looked at the knife in her hand and raised her brow high in question. "Don't tell me you stabbed her."

"No!" Red looked at her in horror. "How cruel do you think I am, Gloria. Honestly?"

"Well you started a fire in here, didn't you?" Gloria challenged her. "Besides, you've been in here a long ass time. What else am I supposed to think? You aren't exactly the perfect image of peace and love, you know."

"Hahaha," Red laughed sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. Rolling her head along her shoulders she bit back a groan at the way her muscles spasmed and protested her movements. "Dmitri and I had to pay sixty thousand dollars for her to get it fixed," she growled in the back in her throat.

"Who the fuck spends sixty thousand dollars on a boob job?"

"Thank you!" Red threw her hand up in the air. "That's what I said. Anyway, as I said, they weren't good people, and in order to pay off our debt-"

"Your debt," Gloria corrected.

Red turned to glare at her. "In order to pay off the debt, we started to do some work under the table for them."

"Sounds like some pretty serious work."

"You don't even want to know," Red whispered.

"You make it sound like you were working for the mob or something, Red," Gloria laughed.

Red lifted her eyes to meet Gloria's and shrugged her shoulders guiltily. "Ah, fuck," Gloria sighed. "Of course, you were." Shaking her head in mock disdain she walked the small distance toward her. "So, what would do you think you would have done differently?"

"What do you mean? Like do I regret popping her tit, or getting involved?"

"Well, both are good questions," Gloria smiled. "But I'm not going to hound you about it. We all have our stuff. Are you… safe? I mean, is there someone who is going to be out for blood?"

"No," Red shook her head. "No… everything is fine. It's why I'm here."

"Good," Gloria nodded. "Good… I would hate if anything happened to you." She watched Red's face for a reaction, a warmth radiating in the pit of her stomach as she watched the pink blush colors Red's cheeks. Leaning back against the sink she crossed her arms over her chest, the tip of her elbow just barely touching Red's own arm. "If you got to continue with your life on the outside. What do you think you have done?" She asked curiously.

"I'd have liked to expand my business," Red answered honestly. "I wish I'd had the help to make it happen. I always had the heart for it. I would have wanted to put my sons through college. They were never much for school, but I sacrificed so much coming to this country, I wish they would have taken advantage of the benefits."

Gloria nodded her hand in understanding. "You're a good mother, you know that?" The honesty and conviction with which she spoke, rendered Red speechless and Gloria used her silence to her advantage. She thought Red deserved to know how much she admired her, and how much she envied the relationship she had with her children. While it was quite clear she was no angel, it gave Gloria hope that she may one day be able her own relationships with her children.

"Even when you're mad at your sons, you talk about them with so much love," Gloria explained. "When you want to wring Nicky's neck, you still give her everything you have. I always think I sound frustrated with my girls and they are frustrating, but, if I'm honest, I just…" she looked over her shoulder and turned back to face Red with a guilty expression. "You love Nicky like she is one of your own… and don't get me wrong I do love Daya, but, she's not my daughter. I can't make myself love her the same way."

"I'm not as great to Nicky as you think I am, Gloria."

"Bullshit."

"No, really," Red protested. She sighed and rubbed a hand along her forehead. "I'm probably going to hurt her in the worst possible way."

"What are you talking about?" Gloria asked.

"Lorna is getting married."

"Married?" Gloria questioned, her eyes wide with surprise. "To who?"

"I don't even think she knows," Red chuckled, rubbing her hands over her eyes. "But she says he is the one." Red scratched her fingers along the inside of her wrist. "I don't know what to do, Gloria. On one hand, I'm tempted to see how this plays out, and on the other, I just can't imagine how hurt and betrayed Nicky would feel. She really loves her."

Gloria's brows furrowed together in confusion. "What does that have to do with you? It sounds to me like Lorna is the one who is going to hurt Nicky, not you."

"Lorna wants me to stand at her side when she gets married," Red explained.

"Mm, well, that does complicate things." Gloria shook her head and signed. "I don't know, Red, Lorna is a sweet girl, but I always thought she was one fry short a happy meal."

"Gloria!" Red exclaimed, but the smile on her face betrayed her. "She used to cut smiley faces into my vegetables when we'd cook together," Red told her. She touched the gold hoop in her ear, nervously tugging on it. "I feel like I should be there, I want to be there so she knows I support her. She is like a daughter to me, and it's not her fault Nicky got herself into trouble. It's better to love and lost than ever loved at all… isn't that how the saying goes?"

"Oh, I don't know, Red, I've never been in a healthy relationship before. But," she trailed off, "This is exactly what I like most about you. I would give anything to be even half the mom you are," she smiled. "Besides, deep down, I think you know what the right thing to do is."

…

With the dinner rush over and the dishes done, Red finally found herself alone in her office. Restless and not at all ready to call it a night, she had set about cleaning out her desk. Old order forms that she used to make her monthly requests on were scattered at the bottom of a drawer, needlessly taking up space. Sighing as she collected them into her hand, she tossed them carelessly into the trash. With the food they were restricted to these days there was hardly any use for them.

"What are you still doing up, Red?"

Nearly jumping out of her skin in freight, she turned her head toward the door and sighed in relief at the sight of Healy. "Sam," she smiled at him softly. "You scared me."

"I didn't mean to," he told her gently. "I saw the light on and wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Worried I was having a heart attacking or something?" She asked.

"That's not funny," he raised his brows at her.

She shrugged, a smile still playing on her lips. "What are you still doing here anyway? I thought you'd be out enjoying your freedom as a bachelor."

"It's hardly anything to celebrate, Red," he frowned at her.

"If you say so. I still think my divorce was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I've never felt so free." She opened the small drawer beneath the base of the desk and pursed her lips. There was nothing but pens, pencils, and a corner piece of paper shoved in the back. "Have you heard anything about Nicky, Sam?" She asked as she grasped the edge of the paper. It was an envelope.

"You're never going to stop with her, are you?"

"Never," she answered honestly. Turning the envelope over, her eyes widened in amassment. It was Gloria's letter to her daughter, the one she'd had her read the night Daya gave birth. A smile pulled across her lips at the memory, her eyes flicking to the very spot on her desk where Gloria had set. She'd grown incredibly fond of Gloria, cherishing every second she spent with her. "Can you do me a favor," she turned her head to look at Healy and handed him the letter. "Can you make sure this gets sent out with tomorrow's mail?"

He took the envelope and eyed it suspiciously before raising his brows at her. "This belongs to Gloria," he told her unnecessarily.

"She left it," Red explained. "She's probably forgotten about it by now. I just want to help her out." Turning back to look at her desk she smiled at the memory of that night. Gloria had allowed her in and had given her access to a part of herself and her story. An electric surge had pulsed between them that night, a feeling she was aware of and had felt fully in her slumber. A pink hue spread across her face as she recalled the dream induced orgasm, Gloria had unknowingly been responsible for. Their friendship had the capability to bloom into more, and though that terrified her to her core, there was a part of Red that secretly hoped she wasn't the only one to see it.


	9. Chapter 9

Scene: It's the morning before Lorna's wedding.

-09-

Staring at the pocket calendar in her hands, Gloria sighed wistfully as she traced over the date, July 8th, with her thumb. It was a monumental day, for more reasons than just one. Today marked the beginning of her final year of incarceration. In no more than 365 days she would be a free woman once again. The excitement of her impending freedom, and the pride she regarded for herself, in the ability to get through ten years of her sentence with her sanity intact —at least for the most part—was masked heavily by the grief of having been in prison in the first place.

Stroking her thumb over the little-boxed date again, she felt the corner of her lips tug upward in a sad smile. Across town, her oldest son, Julio, was entering upon a milestone all his own. Eighteen years old today, her baby was officially no longer a baby. When she had imagined this very day in her mind's eye, all those years ago, it had never quite looked like this.

If she were home, she knew she would have probably let him stay home and taken him to do anything he wanted. While she didn't come from money, and her options for celebrating her kid's big days had always been very limited, she had always tried her best to make their birthdays as special as she could. It had never been part of her plans to be an absent mother, in fact, she had always strived to be as involved as she could, but the fact of the matter was, that she had been absent.

She had missed it all. His whole life. Everything from comforting him on days he was sick, to cheering him on when he was at his best. She'd missed holidays and birthdays, and every first day of school since the third grade. Come August, Julio would be a Senior in high school, and just like everything before, with her two daughters, she'd miss all those wonderous experiences. Like his prom, for instance, and unfortunately, by a mere month, she'd miss his high school graduation.

While there was nothing in the world, she wouldn't give to get back all that time she had missed, she couldn't help but try to remember what she'd been lucky enough to witness. Though she often felt she'd done her children a disservice, by trapping them into a life they in no way deserved, she was grateful for the beautiful escapism that being a mother provided her. There were so many beautiful moments surrounding her ability to conceive and give life and raise her children the years she was able to, that got her through some of the hardest times.

Closing her calendar, she held onto it in her right hand and reclined back into her pillows. Curling her arms above her head she allowed her mind to take her back in time as she mindlessly stroked her abdomen, beneath her shirt, with her left hand. The pads of her fingers located every raised bump, and jagged stretch mark that adorned her skin. Motherhood had used her body as a canvas, her lines from pregnancy running together to create the most beautiful masterpiece.

It felt just like yesterday when she had found out she was pregnant with him. Getting that positive test result had been one of the best days of her life, and instantly, within seconds of lowing, she had already begun to hope and prayed for a baby boy.

She remembered locking herself up in the bathroom of a corner bakery she often frequented, and how she had ripped open the box with such adrenaline and excitement, that the tests inside had flown upward like confetti before landing with a thud on the ground.

After chugging a bottle of water and testing, she'd held onto the white, plastic sticks so tightly, that her hands had started to go numb. She'd read the front of the box repeatedly, as she waited for her results. Its promise of "Detecting all forms of pregnancy hormones six days sooner, before your missed period," doing absolutely nothing to quell her nerves.

Taking a pregnancy test with him had been such an amazing experience when she had compared her emotions to how she felt when testing with her two daughters. She had been sixteen years old the first time, holed up in the bathroom of her high school, and the fear of the unknown had completely sucked away any joy, leaving her completely terrified. The second time hadn't been much better; her boyfriend on the other side of the door yelling at her to hurry up, and Lourdes trying to hold back tears of disappointment when she'd finally emerged. She'd only been eighteen then.

In those moments, what seemed like an eternity ago, she would have traded her soul for a negative result, but with him, the flutter in her chest signified something entirely opposite. With everything that had possessed her, she had wanted to be pregnant again, and despite how incredibly wrong the timing was, and how much more work a new baby would add to her already full plate, it didn't matter.

"Mami?"

Gloria heard the bathroom door swish open from inside the stall, the air deflating from her like the intensity of the moment. "Reina?" She let her eyes fall shut, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Tia told me to check on you, " her daughter told her without missing a beat. "She told me to ask you if Selena and I could have a cookie."

She sighed, pressing her forehead into her free palm. She almost had to laugh at how accurately this moment summed up her life. Here she was, on the brink what could be a major cornerstone in her life, and she was being interrupted by one of the two wild, rambunctious children she already had. The child she had at one point in her life been so terrified to meet.

"Okay," she said, "That's fine. Just… Give me a minute and I'll be out."

True to character, her little girl hadn't let it drop at that. Gloria rolled her eyes when she heard no sign of her retreat, and she could picture the way Reina was probably standing there with her hands on her hips.

"Are you okay? You've been in here forever. Does your stomach hurt?" Reina asked curiously. "Remember when I was sick, Mami? I was in the bathroom a lot, too."

"Can we wait until I get out to talk?"

A melodramatic sigh followed her request. "Fine."

Only when Gloria was sure Reina had gone, did she peak down at the device in her hands. She felt a twitch in her thumb and quickly quashed the temptation. It struck her how something as small and delicate as a stick of plastic could cause such a reaction. One shaky exhale, then another. She could feel her heartbeat in her fingertips. With the life she lived, stalling was a luxury she simply couldn't afford. It was now or never. Feeling her heart leap in her chest, as she moved her thumb and two solid lines appeared before her eyes, she instantly pictured baby blue nursery walls and first-day-of-school tears, her children chasing one another in a park. Everything her younger self had never known she wanted.

Chuckling softly to herself as she came back to present, Gloria continued her caresses, her fingers journeying upward until they circled around her navel. She remembered the way it had poked out so dramatically with each of her pregnancies as her stomach expanded to accommodate the growing life within her.

"Hey, lady, rise and shine!"

Her eyes drifting to the entryway of her cube, Gloria smiled at Aleida. "Morning," she whispered.

"You were supposed to be in the kitchen twenty minutes ago," Aleida reminded her. "Red told me to come and check on you. You feeling okay?"

"Yea," Gloria whispered as she pushed herself to sit up. "Sorry. Got too lost in my head this morning and time must have got away from me." She swung her legs off the side of her bunk so that they were touching the cold, cement ground. "Go back to the kitchen and tell Red I'll be there in a minute?"

"Sure," Aleida nodded, her brown eyes gazing over her. "You sure you're okay?" She asked wordily.

Gloria smiled at her, as she pushed her pulled on her shoes. "I'm fine, mama, just one of those mornings." She grasped the laces of her left shoe and pulled them tightly.

"I'll tell Red you're on your way."

…

When Gloria had entered the cafeteria, the chaos had just begun to settle down. Everyone was at their respective tables with their families, chatting away and mindlessly pushing around the slush on their trays with their utensils. All in all, it was business as usual. Passing the serving line and heading straight into the kitchen, she wasn't surprised to see her girls already beginning the clean-up.

"Well hello to you, sleeping beauty," Maria greeted her as she looked over her shoulder. "I was starting to think you weren't going to show up." She turned her attention back to the sink and finished spraying down the large tray in front of her before placing it on the drying wrack.

"By the looks of things, I could have stayed in bed," Gloria joked as she joined her at the wash station. Leaning back against the sink, she crossed her arms over her chest and scanned her eyes curiously over the kitchen. Norma was sweeping, Blanca was taking out the trash, and Aleida was wiping down counters.

"You didn't miss anything," Maria told her as she began to spray down a second pan. "Your girl was looking for you."

"I talked to Aleida this morning," Gloria told her as her eyes moved back to her friend. The fight they'd had a few weeks ago was long forgotten. Not even forty-five minutes after Red had straightened the pair of them and accused them of acting like children, had they called a truce and put the whole thing behind them. They were sisters. They argued. It was what it was. "She didn't seem like she had anything important to ask me."

Maria scoffed. "That's not the girl I was talking about."

"Then who?" Gloria asked curiously. "Maritza? She's with Flaca. She got some bad news yesterday about her mom, so I told her she could have this morning off if she wanted to be with her."

"Well that's nice of you, but I thought you were mad at her for leaving us for the Panty factory?"

"I'm not thrilled with her," Gloria answered dryly as she once more canned her eyes over the kitchen. The absence of a certain redheaded, Russian woman left her with a panging of disappointment. "You don't turn your back on your family."

"Not to mention she disobeyed you."

"Well, yes, there is that too," Gloria admitted. She rubbed a hand through her hair and sighed. Flaca leaving her kitchen assignment for a better opportunity was hardly the issue, it was being lied to that had her so disappointed. She'd always been upfront with her girls, the least they could have offered her in return was the truth.

Departing from Maria's side, Gloria tried to play it cool as she walked by the office that she shared with Red. Her lips pulled into a frown as she noted the vacancy in the small space. She took a couple more steps, stopping even with the serving line and scanning the busy cafeteria once more. If Gloria thought she'd easily be able to spot Red, she was sorely mistaken. It was like trying to find Waldo. Turning to look back over her shoulder at Norma, she resisted the urge to ask her. Ever since Norma had taken it upon herself to start a cult, Gloria knew that things had been weird between her and Red.

"She's over there," Daya told her, pointing with her finger.

Gloria raised her brow in surprise, her eyes automatically following Daya's hand. With Lorna on one side, Frieda on the other, Red was sandwiched between them, Piper sitting directly in front of her. Setting her shoulders back, Gloria averted her gaze from Red to Daya, her eyes twinkling with the question she was too embarrassed to ask.

"What?" Daya asked. "You were looking for her, weren't you?"

"Who said I was looking for her?" Gloria asked indifferently.

"Well, I guess no one," Daya answered, a look of confusion on her face. "I think she was the one who was looking for you."

"Oh, yea?"

"I think so. She said to send you over to her when you got in. I thought that was why you were looking for her."

"I thought she was just checking on me because I was late?"

"Well, that too," Daya nodded. "But I don't know, she said it was important."

Walking the short distance across the cafeteria to Red's table, Gloria caught her eyes and smiled widely at her as she approached. "Hey," she nodded her head in acknowledgment of Red and her family.

"Hey," Freida echoed her.

"Hi, Gloria!" Lorna smiled at her excitedly. "I'm getting married tomorrow! Isn't that so exciting?"

"Yea, I heard," Gloria nodded. "Congrats." She looked at Red and smirked at the look of annoyance on her face. She knew the older woman was ready for the whole thing to be over with and decided to quickly change the subject. "I heard you were looking for me, Red."

"Yea. Where were you this morning?" Red asked curiously, her eyes flashing with concern. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Hard time getting out of bed," Gloria answered simply.

Red nodded, smiling at her slightly. "Okay," she looked around the cafeteria and said, "Well, you may want to get a tray and serve yourself if you plan to eat something this morning."

They stared at one another for a long minute. It felt as if they were in limbo, floating between the real world, and a world all their own. There was a shine and a beauty in Red's eyes that Gloria didn't think she'd ever noticed before. Hearing the clearing of a throat, Gloria broke their gaze to see Freida smiling at her. She watched as Freida nudged Red with her elbow and watched as the porcelain of her cheeks instantly flushed pink.

"Well," Gloria said easily. "I guess I'll do that… get something to eat, make sure my girls are staying out of trouble."

"Yea, right," Piper scoffed, rolling her eyes.

Gloria narrowed her eyes at her, and her tone thickened incredibly. "What did you just say?"

Piper shook her head and pushed herself to feet. "Nothing," she said tensely, "excuse me." In a move she clearly hadn't given much thought to, she pushed past Gloria, shoulders knocking together. Strong in her stance, Gloria had hardly been jolted as Piper all but ricocheted off her.

"What the hell is her problem?" Gloria asked irritably as she stalked Piper's back with her eyes.

"Don't pay her any mind." Red waved her hand dismissively. She pointed to the chair across from her and said, "But sit. Sit down before she decides to come back."

Gloria did as she was asked, her lips tugging upward in a smile. "You're an awful person, you know that?"

"Please, you want to talk awful she's nearly talked my head off. Ranting and raving all night and all morning about feeling like she's being watched," Red said through gritted teeth.

"Because of her business?" Gloria asked quietly, interlocking her fingers together. "I still don't know why you got yourself involved in that."

"I'm offended I wasn't asked," Freida chimed in.

Raising her brow in surprise, Gloria chuckled deeply in the back of her throat. "You both are insane," she whispered.

"Well, she asked me," Lorna chimed in proudly. "Did she ask you, Gloria?"

"She knows better than to ask me something like that," Gloria scoffed.

Red squinted at her, blue eyes twinkling. "Chapman wouldn't know better if it came out and hit her in the face." Her eyes met and held Gloria's gaze.

"Alright, fine, she asked, but I'm not stupid enough to get involved with her." Gloria's eyes, which were still locked with Red's, twinkled with amusement. Beneath the table, she moved her right foot against the aluminum tile until the toes of her boot knocked with Red's.

"Oh, Gloria," Lorna sighed. "So negative. This is supposed to be a joyous week. I am getting married tomorrow. Where is all the joy?"

"On the other side of the wall," Freida said wistfully.

Feeling Red's foot slide more firmly against her own, so that their feet were now pressed together, toe to heel, Gloria moved her left foot, sandwiching Red's right foot securely. She raised her brow in challenge, and when Red wasted no time in recuperating, trapping Gloria's right foot with her left so that their feet were lined up together, one after the other, Gloria felt her cheeks flush pink and quickly averted her eyes.

"Well, there is plenty of joy to be had here," Lorna exclaimed happily. "I'm marrying the love of my life, Red is my maid of honor. I just wish Nicky were here. I think she'd be really happy for me."

"I don't know if happy—Ow!" Frieda hissed, snapping her neck in Red's direction.

Gloria smirked, watching as Freida rubbed at the tender spot of her arm Red had just elbowed. It was odd how in one instant Red was being her typical self, while in the next, playing footsies with her beneath the table.

Footsies? The realization of what exactly they were doing was enough for Gloria's heart to skip a beat. Her eyes widened as she felt the toe of Red's shoe move up scratch at the skin above her boot. Holy fuck, she thought. Are we… am I…? Is she…? No… No. Now way. There was no way. Impossible.

As she brought her hand up to cover her mouth, Gloria's world felt as if it had tipped onto its axis and was spinning slowly through space. Despite the influx of private moments, they had shared over the last couple of months: crying together, comforting and reassuring the other, this encounter—their actions—it felt unfamiliar. She didn't exactly know what to make of her sudden realization, or of the summersaults her stomach was doing, as her heart pounded in her chest. All she knew was that she didn't hate it. Not at all.

She's been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn't noticed Healy approach their table. "Ladies," he greeted them kindly, "Galina, Gloria."

"Healy," Frieda said dryly, turning her head to look at him. "What do we owe the pleasure?"

"Chipper as always to see me," he said gently, his eyes averting to lock with Red's.

Gloria watched the exchange with narrowed eyes, the pounding of her heart ringing so loudly in her ears, it almost felt as if her head would explode.

"Twenty years of practice will do that to you," Red quipped, "What can I do for you?"

"Just checking in," he said casually. "Actually, Mendoza," he turned his attention to Gloria, "I'm here for you."

Unable to conceal her heavy sigh of annoyance, Gloria straightened her shoulders as she raised her head to look at him. She tightened her feet against Red's and pulled it toward her across the tile so that their knees were touching. "Why me?" She asked tensely.

"This came for you," he explained, producing a small envelope from his back pocket. "I've been under strict orders from your friend here to make sure any mail you receive gets put directly in your hand."

"My friend?" Her brows furrowed in question as she looked down at the envelope. She turned her head to look at Red before dropping her eyes back down to study the name and sending address. Cheryl Goodwin.

"She's been camped out in my office every day," he offered a smile. "Speaking of…" He shifted his gaze, and angled himself away from her, "Do you think I can see you after this when you have a minute?"

"Sure," Red agreed, nodding her head gently.

"Here, I'll take that for you, Red," Lorna offered quietly as she reached for her tray.

"Thank you," Red smiled at her.

"Alright, well," Healy said awkwardly. "Have a good day, ladies."

As Gloria continued to study the envelope in her hands, she almost missed Red telling her goodbye.

"I'll see you later?"

Gloria raised her head to meet her eyes and smiled at her softly. "Yea," she whispered. She held up the envelope and nodded her head. "And thanks." She watched as the older woman walked away and a small ping of sadness dripped into the pit of her stomach as she looked back down again.

She didn't know a Cheryl Goodwin. She had never written to one, let alone, ever met one, but for some reason, the address was oddly familiar. She drew her finger along the smooth, opened top of the envelope, before reaching inside and pulling out the folded piece of printer paper.

Gloria,

You don't know me, but I received your letter a few days ago by mistake. I just moved into this apartment. Reina is a former student of mine. She no longer lives at this address, but I wanted to write you and just let you know how touched I was by your words to her. You'll have to forgive me—I noticed the address you were sending from and couldn't resist the urge to open it. I guess I was a little curious what someone from Litchfield was doing sending Reina a letter. She's a sweet girl but has had so many problems the last couple of years, I guess I just wanted to spare her any unnecessary grief. Anyway, after much debate, I have since forwarded your letter along, but I don't feel comfortable sharing with you her new address. Hopefully, she'll write you back and the two of you can commence your relationship. I wish you nothing but the best, and God bless.

Cheryl Goodwin

"Didn't feel comfortable?" Gloria whispered as she read the letter over again to herself. Hot tears of embarrassment pricked her eyes. I'm the mom, and she didn't feel comfortable? She exhaled a deep breath, shaking her head as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and chewed on it. She'd known, lying in bed, that the day would be a rollercoaster of emotions. She just hadn't expected the ride to be so intense and hit her at full force before ten o'clock.


	10. Chapter 10

Scene: Same night. Gloria's in her head and it seems that Piper's not the only one crossing lines.

-10-

Holding the phone to her ear, Gloria smiled sadly as she listened to her son tell her about his day. "I'm glad you had such a good day, Julio," she said quietly. "I'm sorry it took me so long to call, the line for the phone was really long tonight."

"It's okay, mom."

"No, it's not," Gloria replied. "I'm sorry… I should be there, and I'm not," her voice cracked. "I wish I was, and I want you to know that. I would give anything to be with you today if I could."

"I know," he whispered.

Gloria lifted her eyes to the ceiling and blinked rapidly to keep her tears at bay, but it was no use. Her voice broke and she felt a tear slip from the corner of both eyes. "I miss you. I miss you so much."

"I miss you, too."

"It's not going to be like this forever," she promised, using her alternate hand to wipe at the corner of her eyes. "This is the last birthday I will ever miss. I'm going to be home in a year. We can do a year right?" She asked. "We've done ten already."

On the other line, Julio chuckled. "That's not something to be proud of, Mami."

Gloria found herself laughing too. Mami. It'd been so long since she'd heard him call her that. "What is your brother doing?"

"Nothing. He's just right here, do you want to talk to him?"

"Yes," Gloria nodded, even though she knew he couldn't see her.

"Hello?" The sound of Benny's voice was music to her ears. He sounded so grown up, and manly. It was hard to imagine. The youngest of four, he'd always been her little tiny. She hadn't ever really anticipated him growing up, but he had. He'd grown up without her and was struggling emotionally because of it.

"Hi, baby," she cleared her throat. "It's so good to hear your voice." He merely hummed in response. "What did you do today?" she asked.

"School," he answered simply. "Then we went out for Julio's birthday."

"Yea, he told me that Lourdes was upset the people didn't sing to him," she chuckled. Tucking her short hair behind her ear, she licked her lips nervously. "What are your plans for this weekend?"

"I'm going to hang out at Michael's."

"Oh, yea?" Gloria swallowed a nervous lump in her throat.

"Yea… hey, if you see Sophia, will you tell her to call him?" Benny sighed on the other end of the line. "He was kind of upset the last time I talked to him. He said she hasn't called in like two weeks, and when I was over there the other day, Crystal was really sad."

"Oh, yea?" Gloria asked quietly, rubbing her hand over her face and down the column of her neck. Suddenly her throat felt very dry. Though she had tried to put Sophia out of her head, it seemed there was no escaping her. Everyday, the guilt on her conscience grew more and more, shackling her invisible chains, and forcing her to confront the hand she'd played in Sophia's plight.

Two minutes remaining, the automated message played, interrupting the turbulent spinning of Gloria's thoughts

"Oh, Papi," she sighed, feeling a mixture of both sadness and relief. She didn't want to have to talk about Sophia tonight. There were too many other things too feel guilty for, and if for only a little while, she wanted those feelings to revolve solely her family.

"Gloria," It was Lourdes. "Mija, you're on speaker. I know you have to go, but I just wanted to tell you that I loved you."

"I love you too," Gloria said thickly. "I'll try to call again tomorrow," she promised. "Julio, Papi, I love you. I'm so glad you had a good birthday. When I get home, we'll celebrate okay?"

Julio chuckled, "Well when you get home it'll be on my nineteenth birthday."

"We're going to celebrate every birthday I missed," Gloria declared passionately. "Benny, you too. We can even have Christmas in July if you want. It'll be fun."

"Christmas in July?" Lourdes' sounded anything but impressed. "We'll see about that."

One-minute remaining, the audio voice said.

"I love you," Gloria said hurriedly. "I love you. I love you all so much."

"Bye mom!"

"Bye, mom, love you!"

Gloria placed the phone back in its cradle and stroked her hand sadly over the receiver's base. Ten years, and aside from a few too-short visits, this device was the only the lifeline she had to maintaining a relationship with her sons. How pathetic was that? She couldn't go home and make them dinner or get them up in the morning for school. She couldn't stay on top of them about the kind of friends they had, or their homework. There was no parent- teacher conferences, or school events that she could attend with them. She wasn't a part of their life, at least not the way a mother should be.

All she had to look forward to, was her phone calls and her visits. It was all any mother in here had to keep them sane, and the nagging guilt of having taken that sanity from Sophia, and from her family, even if it wasn't intentional on her part, made her sick to her stomach.

…

As a little girl, Gloria had grown up in the church, so it was no surprise to her that the chapel was the first place she gravitated toward for solace. In a lot of ways, the church had become her home away from home. A way to escape without really leaving. Especially during some of the darkest moments of her life.

She loved everything from the traditions, to the statues, and the older she got, the more she'd grown to love them. As she approached the row of seats near the front of the alter, she instantly dropped to her knee and made the sign of the cross. She first touched forehead, her chest, her left shoulder and then her right.

Taking a seat on the first chair, she sat as close to the edge as she could and leaned heavily on the chair in front of her. The myriad of thoughts that circulated through her head was almost too much to confront. Hanging her head in shame, she inhaled a deep breath before slowly releasing it. It had never been her intention to hurt anyone, and in her heart, she knew she wasn't a bad person, but sometimes it felt as if she were trapped beneath glass, begging and gasping for breath that no one wanted to give her. Mentally, it felt the equivalent to being buried alive, and the thought alone sent a cold chill down her spine.

Opening her eyes, Gloria blinked as the letter she had tucked in the pocket of her scrub top that morning came into focus. She hadn't known what to do with it after reading it, but keeping it, she was sure, would drive her insane. The audacity of some people—this stranger acting as if she knew what Reina needed, like she knew what was in her best interest—Gloria just couldn't get over it. If someone was going to dictate what Reina needed and didn't need in her life, Gloria wanted to hear that from Reina herself, not from some woman who was sub-leasing her apartment, who thought she had the right to decide what information was pertinent enough to pass on or not.

She exhaled a breath as she rolled her neck slowly around her shoulders. Every muscle in her neck was painfully stiff and she swallowed her discomfort as she rolled her neck around again.

As a young woman, it had always been her plan to raise her family in the church and to give her children what Lourdes had given her—belief in a higher power. For Gloria, believing that there was a plan and a reason for all the grief and heartache she'd had to endure, had quite literally saved her life on more than one occasion. Perhaps it was why, even now, despite feeling so desolated, she clung to hope.

The sound of soft footsteps pulled her from her thoughts, and she turned her head slowly to see Flaca sinking to her knees. Things between them had been tense ever since the younger woman had left the kitchen, but like she'd told Maria that morning, she wasn't mad that Flaca had left, at least not completely.

"Hey," Gloria said quietly. She looked over her shoulder at Flaca and gently bowed her head. "I heard about your mother."

"Yeah," Just as quickly as Flaca lifted her eyes to meet Gloria's, she dropped them again to stare at her folded hands. "Thanks."

"You two good?"

"What's that supposed to mean? "

Gloria scoffed, a pathetic attempt to buy herself some time. In all honesty, she didn't know what it meant. She didn't know why she had even asked. It wasn't her place. While she certainly knew that Flaca and her mother, like all people, had had their issues in the past, it didn't excuse her for being intrusive.

"You know what? Let's say our prayers and go on with our days. That sounds good to you, little girl"

"I ain't your little girl."

"Oh, I know that. You don't need nobody. I got it."

Gloria, stop! A voice that sounded suspiciously like Lourdes' hissed in her ear. She could tell by the hurt in Flaca's eyes that she'd gone too far. She didn't apologize, though. She couldn't. She bit the inside of her cheek. Hard. Right or wrong… mostly wrong, Gloria was speaking on pure emotion—fear mixed with a little anger and lot of sadness.

What if situations were reversed? She wondered. What if something happened to her? Would her children would be down on their knees, the way Flaca was now? Would they be thinking about her? She honestly didn't know the answer and that scared the shit out of her. She knew her boys loved her, they told her so just earlier, but, as she often wondered, during the deepest and darkest moments of her struggle, would her kids have been better off without her? Had she been selfish in her decision to bring them into this world? She'd told Red before that she thought she had been… but God, just the thought of life without them. Fuck. She couldn't even begin to imagine what that would be like and she didn't want to.

"Certainly, don't need people who don't got my back."

It wasn't fair, she was fully aware, but Flaca had been the catalyst to unleashing all the emotions pent up within her. "Well, maybe people would have your back if they knew you weren't gonna turn it on them." Every word she spoke was digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole, and though she knew she'd face the repercussions of her words tonight, when they went back to their dorm, she couldn't stop.

"Hey, Gonzales," Piper Chapman's heavy footsteps echoed throughout the carpeted chapel as she stomped her way down the aisle. With fury blazing in her eyes, she asked, "You took my money?

"What?"

"You wanna fuck with me?"

Without even giving it a second thought, Gloria sprung to her feet. The chair she'd been sitting in raddled, echoing loudly through the chapel as it sprung in response to her haste movement. "You need to step back right now, or you gonna lay back, bitch." Within seconds she was inches from Piper's face, so close that she could feel the heat of her breath against her skin. "I don't care what she did, what you think she did. You don't get to come here and push, or you're gonna get pushed."

Piper glared at Flaca, her eyes narrowing. It was as if she were casting down at her, judging her for not being able to fight her own battles.

Gloria's brown eyes were hard in anger as they quickly worked to size Piper up. Though she was a lot shorter than the younger woman, Gloria was in no way intimidated. Piper hadn't even been able to properly shoulder check her in the cafeteria without bouncing off her. It was no secret who would have the upper hand.

Finally, Piper turned to Gloria, and said, "She saw me this morning in the library, conducting business."

Out of the corner of her eye, Gloria looked to Flaca. "All I saw you was reading that stupid butter-bones book, and I told you it was bad science." Flaca explained in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You made up a story about your sick mom so that I would let you back in" Piper hissed angrily.

If she didn't know any better, Gloria would have thought Flaca had been sucker punched. For a minute, nothing but her sharp intake of breath could be heard. "Her mother is sick, idiot," Gloria had half a mind to swing at her. "And why you think she's in here on her knees? Huh, what's the matter with you?"

Realization, in the form of fear instantly flooded Piper's features. It was like she had seen a ghost. "Well, good," she stammered only amending herself at the raised brow Gloria gave her in response. "I mean, not good that she's sick, but good that you weren't lying, and I hope that she feels better." She made a motion with her hand before pointing at herself, "and I hope that you both know not to mess with me."

Gloria watched Piper's back as she walked away. She felt out of control, her emotions spinning in a direction she couldn't keep up with. She turned on her heal, away from Flaca, and made her way back to her seat. She threw herself down heavily, eyes closed, and bowed her head in prayer.

…

Unfortunately, for her, calmness hadn't come in the form of hearing her son's voice, and it hadn't come in the form of prayer. In fact, Gloria felt more on edge than ever and as she walked the long, empty halls. Her blood felt hot, almost if it were boiling within her. Her hands were balled into fists at her side, her nails, short and bitten to the nub, stabbing into the skin of her palm as she rhythmically clenched and unclenched her hands.

Even in her haze of anger and extreme irritation, her feet seemed to know where she was going before her brain and it wasn't much longer until Gloria found herself pushing open the doors of the library. The room was quiet and cool, and the scent of books instantly filled her with calmness she hadn't been expecting. She wasn't a big reader, never had been, so it came as no surprise that she'd never frequented this part of the prison.

The aged floor seemed to creak with every step, as she made her way through the aisles of books. Even for a library, the room felt oddly still. Wrapping her arms around herself, Gloria rubbed her hands up and down the length of her arms, because despite wearing a long, white sleeve under her uniform, she felt chilled to the bone.

Eyeing the spines of the book a she passed, she pulled one out from its place. "Vox," she read the title. Holding it in her hands, she turned it over to read the back. She scoffed. A story about the government silencing women and stripping them of their rights, hardly seemed like the kind of thing she wanted to read. In this place, it would feel all too familiar. She put it back on the shelf, pushing it against the back of the bookshelf with a little more force than was necessary.

"I didn't really like the book either, but that's no reason to be mean to it."

How she'd missed her, Gloria wasn't sure, because she'd become very accustomed to knowing when Red was around. She lifted her head to meet her eyes, and as their gaze met, she instantly felt better. She felt lighter. Her lips tugged into a smile. The anger and the annoyance, every bad thing that'd she'd been thinking, was gone.

"If you're looking for something to read, to get out of your head for a bit. The Practice of Deceit is pretty good." Taking the tiniest step closer to her, Red leaned against the bookshelf and tilted her head curiously. "You didn't come here to find a book to read, though, did you?"

"Who says I didn't?"

"You. All the time, actually," Red smirked at her.

Gloria chuckled, "Well," she nodded her head.

"What's wrong, Gloria?" Red asked worriedly. She straightened her posture, holding the books she'd selected for herself in front of her. "Look, if I over stepped by send your letter… I am very sorry. I just wanted to help, and maybe that wasn't my place." She sighed. "I heard about what happened with you and Chapman earlier today in the chapel, and I just…"

"How did you hear about that?" Gloria asked, her brows furrowed in confusion.

Red rolled her eyes. "Please, she came to tell me probably as soon as she left. She's been having the feeling someone's been watching her, and I get she was just trying to defend her territory, but-"

"Don't defend her," Gloria said sternly as she arched her brow. "My girl's may be a lot of things, but they're not thieves."

"Well," Red sighed, as she reclined back against the book case. "She's mine, and my responsibility, so yes, I have to defend her. Nicky brought her into the family like she was a stray, wounded dog. I know she can be a lot to handle, trust me, I have to share a cube with her, you don't."

"Thank God, for that," Gloria murmured, rolling her eyes heavenward. "I didn't like the way she handled things," she confessed. "But, you're right, she wasn't the only thing I've had on my mind today, especially after the whole cafeteria thing."

"The letter?"

"The letter," Gloria affirmed. She shook her head and sighed. "It wasn't from her," she explained. "Some woman moved into her apartment and told me after much debate she finally decided to forward the letter along… so."

"So, you wait."

"So, I wait."

Red smiled at her sadly. "You're not mad at me for overstepping?"

"No," Gloria shook her head. "No… but if she writes back telling me she hates me, then I'll be mad at you for overstepping." A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, betraying how seriously she wanted to be taken.

Gloria reclined against the bookshelf, the spines of the books pressing uncomfortably into her back. Red's shoulder, warm and soft, was pressed against her, own. From the corner of her eye, Gloria could tell that Red was watching her, and suddenly, it made her nervous. Her stomach felt as if it'd erupt in butterflies at any second, and she exhaled a deep breath in a desperate bid to keep herself composed.

"And if she writes back saying she wants to see you?" Red asked.

"Then I'll have to thank you," Gloria whispered as she turned her head to look at her. Her breath hitched in her throat. Lourdes had always told her they eyes were a window to a person's soul, and what she saw in Red's thrilled her in a way that was almost terrifying.

She didn't know what had possessed her, it was if all rational thought had gone out the window, and before she could stop herself, Gloria was leaning toward her, brushing their lips together in a sweet and tender kiss.

"Hmm," Red moaned softly, her eyes instantly falling shut. The books she'd been carrying fell from her hands, and Gloria laughed in the back of her throat as she felt Red greedily draw her closer.

She didn't know what she'd expected, perhaps rejection, but Red's eager submission was much better. In fact, it was more than Gloria could have ever hoped for. She wasted absolutely no time in deepening the kiss. She licked her tongue across Red's lower lip, begging for entrance, and she growled in the back of her throat when access was granted. Their tongues danced together with skillful movements—teasing and tasting all the other had to offer. One hand on Red's neck, and the other tangled in her hair, Gloria guided Red's mouth against her own. She wasn't sure what this would mean for their friendship, but she knew that things between them would never, ever be the same.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much for the comments on this story. I'm sorry for the delay, y'all, school was stressful. I cried literal tears. Please continue to bear with me because I would love to get this story completed by the time season 7 comes out.

Scene: Picks up the evening after Lorna's wedding and the lake (S3E13). There are new guards, new inmates and a new way of life

-11-

"Young love," Red recalled saying to Healy as they had exited the visitation room side by side. "They have no idea what they're in for."

"It doesn't always have to end badly," he'd told her, hands in his pockets.

"Oh," she scoffed, "said the man whose wife sleeps in her mother's bed to the prisoner whose brand-new divorce certificate is her most prized possession."

"You gotta believe in something," he smirked. "Why not love?"

Mulling over his question as she stood beneath the spray of the water, Red gently combed her fingers through her hair and recalled her bitter reply, "because 'happily ever after' was invented for the story books, so kids reach breeding age without killing themselves."

"So, love is the lie we tell ourselves, so we don't go extinct?" Healy had challenged her. "That's pretty bleak Red, even for you."

"Oh, and you caught me on a glass-half-full day."

Truth be told, she had been incredibly touched by the wedding ceremony. Watching Lorna pledge her loyalty and love, wearing a makeshift veil out of toilet paper, had quite literally taken her breath away.

As cynical as she could be about love sometimes, there was a part of her, deep down inside that had always enjoyed a good wedding, and as insane as she thought Lorna was, she truly did wish her all the happiness in the world. She mayn't always agree with everything her girls did, or even understand their reasonings, but she had always loved them and wanted the best for them.

She'd never wish them failure or ill-will, and even though she knew Nicky would be incredibly hurt by her partaking in Lorna's wedding, she knew there was really nothing to be sorry about. Lorna had every right to move on and be happy in her life, and she had just as much a right to Red's support in doing so as Nicky did.

Reaching for the hair conditioner, Red squeezed some into her hand and then gently worked the cream into her hair. Since the moment she'd woken up that morning, she'd been on the go nonstop. She was beyond exhausted and every muscle in her body was throbbing in synchronized ache. Despite the fact that Lorna's wedding had been held in the prison visitation room, the young woman had still managed to concoct a never-ending checklist.

Gloria had tried to help her where she could. She had been the one who had pinned Lorna's veil into her hair, and had even made some corsages to add a bit of femininity to the event. Red had been extremely impressed with her ingenuity. She hadn't pegged Gloria to be all that crafty, but it seemed there was still so much to learn about her.

Thinking about Gloria brought a smile to Red's lips and she hummed softly in the back of her throat as she tipped her head back beneath the showerhead. It had been exactly twenty-four hours since they had kissed in the library, and if Red tried hard enough, she could swear she could still feel Gloria's mouth on hers.

Stroking her hands against her hair, her eyes fluttered closed as she brought her fingers to her lips. The gently sweep she made across her lips caused her stomach to coil tightly with excitement. Gloria's mouth had been warm and delicate against her own, kissing her so softly that Red had almost missed it.

For weeks, she had been hyper-aware of the changes occurring in their relationship. Gloria had let down so many walls, and had shared parts of herself and her story that Red was convinced even Aleida didn't know about, and putting into words how much that meant to her seemed almost impossible. Knowing that Gloria trusted her and respected her enough to confide in her was as magical as finding pandora's box, and with each new revelation, Red had only been more and more drawn to her.

The way she felt about her felt different then anything she had ever felt before. As much as she wanted to be there for Gloria, and listen to her, and comfort her, it was different then the way that she had wanted to be there for Nicky or even her sons. Gloria's mere presence when she walked into a room captivated her completely, and not in the way Dmitri's ever had.

In the course of her marriage, she had grown to find a relative fondness for her ex-husband, but it had never felt as if fireworks were exploding in the distance. When Gloria entered a room, it was as if everyone and everything else had faded into the background.

"So, you don't think there's someone out there you're meant to be with?" Healy's words once more began to circulate in her mind. He'd looked at her with such hope in his eyes, so much blind naivety.

She'd known what he was asking her, and as the water began to run cold her blue eyes opened.

"Of course, I do," she could hear herself say. "Everybody has a soul mate, but they're usually on the other side of the bars, or the wall, or the planet from you. That's the way the universe works," and while her words had held some truth in them, it wasn't the only reason she'd said them.

She'd known for some time that Sam Healy had harbored feelings for her, and as flattering as that had always been to acknowledge, he wasn't what she wanted. Sam was comfortable, dependable, but he was also boring and she'd had enough of that kind of relationship to last a lifetime.

"You're not going to be in prison forever. You got a future to think about."

"Our ships passed too late in the night for one of them to change course, Sam."

If she'd never gone to prison, she would have been content to spend the rest of her life at Dmitri's side, and maybe, had Gloria not confirmed what she'd suspected had been a mutual brewing chemistry, she would have even been inclined to consider what Sam was trying to tell her.

Shivering as the cold water turned to ice, Red effortlessly moved to shut the faucet off. Reaching for the towel that was slung over the partition, she wrapped it around herself and pulled open the curtain. To her surprise, Gloria was sitting crossed legged on the counter top, snacking on a package of skittles.

"Gloria," she held her arm protectively across her chest, her eyes scanning over the empty bathroom. "What are you doing here?" she asked her in a harsh whisper. "Are you trying to get sent to SHU?"

Smirking, Gloria popped a couple of pieces of candy into her mouth. "I wanted to check on you," she admitted. "You were pretty upset with the storm troopers this afternoon, especially after Caputo dismissed you."

"That's because he's an idiot," Red said thickly as she walked closer toward her. Believe it or not, she didn't feel at all uncomfortable or exposed in Gloria's presence. "How can they come in here and order me out of my own kitchen? We didn't get to make dinner, nobody ate, how is that right?"

"Hmm," Gloria shrugged, popping another piece of candy into her mouth. "Why do you think I'm eating this?" she asked. She watched as Red reached for her nightgown and she leaned back against the mirror, watching her dress.

Pulling the nightgown over her head, towel still wrapped around her body, Red took care to not completely expose herself. Once she was finally dressed, she pulled the towel from beneath her nightgown and used it to to wrap up her hair.

"You look more tan than usually. I guess you had a good time swimming in the lake," Red commented as she reached for her toothbrush.

"Yea," Gloria smiled. "I can't remember the last time I went swimming. Probably when my babies were little. Julio was always enjoyed the water more than Benny did. Why didn't you get in and swim?" she asked curiously.

"I was at the wedding," Red told her, spitting into the sink. "I sat on the dock with Norma, but I'm not really someone who swims in a lake. Do you know what lives in lakes? I'm surprised no one was bit by some kind of snake or something."

Gloria chuckled and wrapped up the remainder of her candy. "Was the wedding nice?" she asked. "Not as crazy as you expected it to be?"

"It was a lot nicer than I thought it would be," Red confessed. "I still think the girl is out of her mind, but I married Dmitri with the intention to divorce him as soon as we got to America, so at least she is marrying for love."

"Are you still worried about what Nicky is going to think?"

"She'll be angry with me," Red said knowingly. "I'll have to cross that bridge if and when we ever get to it."

Gloria smiled at her tiredly and dropped her legs so that they hung off the side of the counter. "I missed hanging out with you today," she whispered.

"Yea?" Red cocked her eyebrow, the corner of her mouth twitching happily.

Gloria bumped her knee against Red's hip playfully. "I've been thinking about last night," she said. "Kind of feel like we might need to talk about it."

Red sighed softly. "You don't regret it do you?"

Reaching for Red's hand, Gloria beckoned her so that she was standing in front of her. "No," she promised. "Do you?" She reached for the towel on her head, pulling it down she smiled as the damp, red hair fell to hang around her shoulders. She touched her fingers to the ends of Red's hair, twirling the strands loosely around her finger.

Red shook her head and moved her hands so that they were resting on Gloria's legs. She squeezed her thighs reassuringly. "I feel like Nicky would get a kick out of this."

"She probably would," Gloria agreed. She pushed Red's hair back behind her ear and exhaled a soft breath. "After I was in bed last night, I just kept replaying the whole thing… I just couldn't stop thinking about you."

"I'm flattered," Red purred. Moving her hands up, she playfully fingered the waistband of the sweatpants Gloria was wearing. It struck her as odd at how entirely comfortable she felt in this moment. There wasn't an ounce of embarrassment, or second guessing, or questioning if she'd lost her mind, there was just an overwhelming feeling of familiarity.

"I was also thinking about what this means for us, and our friendship."

"What do you mean?" Red frowned.

"I don't know if I want anything to change," Gloria said honestly. "I don't know if it's worth the risk of our friendship."

"Nothing is going to change between us," Red promised her.

"But it could," Gloria frowned. "I like having you in my life. This could get messy, Red."

Red's hand continued upward, moving from Gloria's thigh to beneath her shirt. Tenderly, she ghosted her fingers over Gloria's ribcage.

"Is this just… sexual?" Gloria asked quietly.

Red shook her head. "Things with you are so natural, Gloria," she whispered. "Why can't we just see where things go?"

Gloria slid forward on the counter, her legs parting to further accommodate Red's figure. Despite how tame their situation was, there was a faint pulsing between her legs. "What if someone catches us?" she asked.

Red shrugged, her face pressed against Gloria's shoulder. Nipping playfully at her skin, she growled suggestively in the back of her throat as Gloria shivered in response. The chemistry and sexual tension that had been building between them was something that simply couldn't be ignored. Gloria was pressing against her like a cat in heat, and Red was more than happy to encourage her.

Goosebumps broke out along the length of Gloria's arms, a chill running down her spine as her lower belly tightened in anticipation. She watched Red lean in toward her at a tortuously slow pace, a moan catching in her throat as her body tensed with desire. Her mouth naturally melted against Red's, whose lips were rough and demanding. Gloria parted her lips in a desperate invitation for more, and she sighed happily as Red obliged her.

Red wasn't worried about what anyone would think, nor did she feel the need to defend or explain herself. She was a grown woman. A woman whose natural and biological desires for intimacy had been suppressed for far too long. Moving her hand from beneath Gloria's shirt, Red easily found the space between her legs. Stroking her easily, and with confidence, she tried to think about the way she'd always liked to be touch. She'd never done this with another woman before.

Following Gloria's cues, Red matched the movements of her hand to the speed of their kiss. Allowing herself to be guided by Gloria's need, it wasn't long before Red's hand was slipping into the waistband of her sweats and her panties.

"Galina," Gloria gasped Red's given name, her eyes nearly bulging in surprise as she broke the kiss. The feeling of two delicate fingers sliding easily down her opening, caused her jaw to drop. Her back arched and she moved her hand behind her back to steady herself.

Red sipped her fingers into the pool of warm liquid fathering at her opening and trailed her fingers back up to rub over Gloria's clit.

"Galina," Gloria said again, but this time her words were coated in a needy whimper.

"Let's just go with it," Red whispered. She dipped her hand low once more but was careful not to penetrate. "Unless you want me to stop?"

Gloria swallowed thickly and nodded her head for Red to continue. Nobody in their right mind would deny themselves such an experience, especially when it had been so long since the last time they'd been touched. Reclining back against the sink, she helped Red push her pants and underwear down to the top of her thighs.

Pushing a single finger inside of her, Red's eyes closed as the moist, warm heat clenched around her greedily. The feeling of being inside of Gloria was unlike anything she'd ever experienced before. Using her thumb to rub against her clit, she moaned as Gloria began to move in sync with her movements.

"Feels so good," Gloria whimpered as she surrendered to the sensation. She couldn't believe how easily she had given her consent, or how ready her body had been to accept this kind of attention. She was a dripping mess. She growled in the back of her throat as she felt Red enter a second finger into her.

Red could tell she was close and was amazed at how quickly it had all seemed to happen. She didn't think Dmitri had ever been able to make her come as easily as she seemed to be doing for Gloria, and she felt a prideful surge shoot through her spine. She hadn't even known what had overcome her to give it a try, but watching Gloria so easily come undone, she was glad that she had.

Gloria gasped, her muscles contracting violently around Red's fingers as her orgasm consumed her.

Withdrawing her fingers, Red rubbed them gently against Gloria's clit. She was absolutely mesmerized. "You look beautiful," she told her sincerely.

Gloria's skin was flushed and heated, and the honestly in which Red spoke to her and looked at her, made her feel incredibly special. She didn't think anyone had ever looked at her like that.

"I could-"

"Don't do anything you don't want to," Red cut her off. "I wanted to."

Gloria blinked at her in surprise. Unlike the men she had been with in the past, Red wasn't rushing her or even pressuring her to return the sentiment. In fact, she was entirely content to simply explore her.

As Red moved her hand along the skin above Gloria's pubic bone, she smirked as her fingers brushed over a faded scar. "You had c-section?"

Gloria chuckled, taken off guard by the question. Sliding off the counter so that she could pull her clothes back over her hips, she said, "I did."

"I never had one, but I heard they were more painful than natural birth."

"They're not fun," Gloria agreed, protectively stroking her hand over the scar. "I really enjoyed that, you know?"

"I could tell," Red teased her.

Smirking, Gloria playfully pecked her lips in a sweet kiss. "I like you… I like this," she admitted.

"I like you too, and it's not because I want something from you. We don't need a label for this, you know. It can just stay our thing. I trust you, and I would never just do this with anyone. Especially not with anyone in this place, and before you I'd never even thought about it."

"Mmm," Gloria purred playfully. "So, you've been thinking about this for some time then?"

"I may have had a dream or two," Red winked.

Gloria's eyes widened in surprise, but the look in her eyes told Red she was deeply flattered. "You should tell me about them sometime," she teased. "Maybe we could do something to bring them to life." Moving her hands to grasp Red's she gently brought them to her mouth for a kiss.

"It's getting late," Red told her.

"I know," Gloria frowned. "I don't want to leave, but I should probably get going. I'm surprised no one has come looking for me."

"With all the newcomers, I'm sure no ones even noticed you've gone missing."

"You think there's any chance the kitchen will be closed for breakfast?" Gloria asked curiously. "I kind of wouldn't mind being able to sleep in past 4:30."

"I have no doubt you'll be able to sleep just fine tonight," Red smirked. "You should be well rested for the morning and used to it by now. It's not as if they're going to wake us up at two or three. No one would eat breakfast that early in the morning anyway. Like I promised you, Gloria, nothing is going to change."


End file.
